Dear home,
It feels like it’s been forever since I left. I’ve missed you so incredibly much.
I’m writing this letter to you because in roughly two weeks I’ll be with you again and there’s a few things I need to say to you before I get there.
I love you, and I’ve missed you.
I’m sorry it took leaving for me to realize just how much of my heart belongs to you. I’ve had to mourn our separation more than once on this journey.
There aren’t enough words to express just how deeply grateful I am for you. You’ve loved me, supported me, prayed for me, and encouraged me across oceans. I’ve clung to your letters, notes, pictures, and prayers. They’ve kept me going.
I’ve experienced and seen a lot of things this past year. Some hard to grasp, and some really sweet. The thought of being back in the States excites me, but it also scares me.
It make take me a little while to re-adjust to my old ‘normal’. (If I ever get there).
This journey has been the most challenging year of my life, but it has become my normal. For 11 months I’ve been submerged in cultures and languages far different than those of the States. I’ve mastered living on $5 a day for food. I’ve gotten use to seeing the poorest of living conditions. I’ve become accustomed to never being alone; and large crowds of white people make me uncomfortable.
It’s completely normal for 18 other humans to know everything that is going on in my heart, head, and spirit. They know everything about me: every decision, every health issue, they know every item of clothing I own, they know what I like and don’t like to eat, they know my music, they know how I take my coffee, they’ve heard me go on and on about you. Trust me when I say these humans know it ALL; and I know them. We’ve been one unit for 11 months and you betcha bottom dollar it’s going to be heartbreaking to say goodbye. Just as it was heartbreaking to say goodbye to you.
Dear home,
I desperately long for your hugs, but I’m desperately going to need grace.
I’ve spent many days wondering what you were up to or reminiscing on old memories of us. I care about you a lot.
That being said, I’ve also spent many days not thinking about you at all. It’s important for you to know that I now have several homes across the world. A church in Serbia, a camp out in the bush of Zimbabwe, a farm in Botswana, a small village in Cambodia, a hostel in Thailand, a YWAM base in Panama, and two families in Costa Rica. Pieces of my heart have been left all around the world. Home is no longer just one place, but many.
You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”
– Miriam Adeney
Re-adjusting isn’t going to be easy. I’m excited, though, to have you with me as I go through this process.
I want hugs. I want excitement. I want your questions. I want to share my stories. I want to hear your stories.
We’ve been apart for nearly a year. We’ve both grown and changed a lot. A year is a long time! A lot has happened for the both of us and I want to hear every detail. Even the little things you think aren’t important, I long to know. I’ve missed you!
I’m also going to need you to understand a few things:
I’m going to need you to give me grace. I long to be in your presence, but it may get overwhelming at times. Expect random tears. However, know that it’s nothing you said and just let it happen. The truth is, this is going to be a season of mourning for me. Please remember that and give me the freedom to feel. Know, though, that it’s also a season of laughter, excitement, and joy. Again I will say, I’ve MISSED YOU.
This letter isn’t meant to make you feel like you have to tip-toe around my feelings. Not in the slightest. Be real. Be honest. Be true. I will be.
This letter is me laying on my cards on the table and hoping to give you some context for understanding the state of mind in which I am returning to you with.
Thank you again for all that you’ve done for me this year. Again, its you– my Church, my home team, my friend, my biggest blessing, my love– that’s kept me going. I will see you soon!
With love,
Kristi
