My entire life I have been told how easily I love others. I have given 100% to every relationship that I have ever been apart of whether that’s with family, friends, a boy…etc. Truly seeking to love others is something my heart desires. I have always said “I love, LOVE”. Some people laugh when I say this, but I don’t think anyone truly realizes how much I actually mean that. I really do love, LOVE. Recently I have discovered how much I truly value intentional relationships and how it really makes a difference in my life when I don’t feel like people are being intentional, and loving me as well as I love them. I’ve struggled the past couple of months with this. I have been praying to God asking him to put people in my life who truly desire to know me, and love me well… now I would go to say that these are not bad things, but there is something wrong with this mindset. I love people so well, it’s my greatest strength, but do I desire their relationships, and their love more than God’s? Do I pursue their hearts more than I pursue God. Do I seek their approval, and love for me more than God’s? I would have never thought my answer to this would be yes, but I’ve discovered it is. God has given me the ability to love like Jesus, but I must first commit everything to him, and allow him to fill my heart before I can truly love people in a healthy way, and in the same way that Jesus loves me. I know that God can give me all of the desires of my hearts, but I’ve always struggles with if he actually would. Saturday night was by far the hardest night on the race I have had, and it’s because God really struck me with this reality. I’m expecting to much of myself, and not allowing him to work through me. I cannot do any of this on my own strength, but only through Jesus. Before I can love well I have to allow myself
to be loved fully by Jesus, and trust his love is greater than any love I could get on this earth. I have to first love him and desire him more than anyone. So now I’m starting over. I’m pursuing God and trusting that through my pursuit he will allow me the desires that of my heart. He will place people in my life who will also know how to love me well because they will be loving me like Jesus. So with that I say.. I love, love… but most importantly I love Jesus and I don’t want anything to do with love that isn’t orchestrated by him!!
