Yesterday is the day it all began to make sense. Yesterday was the day I shared my testimony with a boy, and his family who were literally experiencing exactly how I felt. I was sitting on the couch looking into their eyes knowing that I have experienced the exact pain they are feeling. Sitting there I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could physically do to take their pain away, and that destroyed me. All I knew to do was share what the Lord did through my heartbreak, and pain. I got to share how he brought me to this exact place, through that situation.
So yesterday I met a boy, he is 16 years old, and his father just left their family. At the age of 16 he is now experiencing abandonment, heartbreak, and anger. All of which I experienced for 15 years. For 15 years I was constantly wondering Why. Why me? Why wasn’t I worth it? I was sitting in this house, and knew exactly what this innocent boy was feeling. As I was sitting there I knew God was telling me to share my story. I was instantly in tears. I did not want to share my story because it hurts. Still to this day it hurts. It brings back every raw feeling I had ever felt, and even more so having to share with someone who was in the same situation I once was. Even though I knew it would be hard I shared it. Reliving that time in my life was harder than I ever thought it would be. I was in tears, they were in tears, and my teammates were in tears. The room felt so heavy, but at the same time I knew God was working through me in that moment. This happened on a Wednesday afternoon, and that evening this 16 year old boy who hadn’t been in church since his father left joined us for Youth Night at our church. PRAISE GOD!!!! Not only did this boy join us on Wednesday, but on Sunday his Mother and Grandmother were also in church for the first time since her husband, and his dad left. You guys the Lord was obviously working in that home that day. As hard as that day was I couldn’t be more thankful that I had the opportunity to share it.
For 15 years of my life I had dealt with the feelings of abandonment, and never feeling good enough. I continued to try and figure out why. It didn’t make sense to me because although my biological father was absent, I still had the best mom in the world, and an amazing step-dad, and two sisters who loved me so deeply. I wanted so badly for that to be enough, but it just wasn’t. I still knew I was missing something. God brought me out of that and filled that void with his love. Not only did he feel that void, he connected me with my biological father, an amazing step mom, and two of the best brothers that I could have ever asked for.
I look back at my life, and wonder how could I ever doubt God. He brought me through such a difficult situation, and although that situation was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, I would not trade it for the world. It showed me how much our Faith in God can literally overcome anything. Of everything that I have taken away from this month in Chile the number 1 thing is that… GOD CAN AND WILL USE YOU. He will use you in your brokenness, he will use your trials and tribulations to ultimately bring Glory and Honor to his name. I know this because if you read the story above you know that is exactly what he did in my life, and is continuing to do.
