When I first heard of the race, my initial reaction was… I can’t do that. A looong list of reasons immediately entered my head : I don’t have a special calling to do full time ministry, I’m not qualified to preach or teach, I don’t have the same gifts as all of the leaders around me, I’m not super outgoing, I have no money…etc. But as I recalled these thoughts I had at the beginning, a lot has changed since. I realize I only needed one reason TO go, despite the thousands of why not to go. Grace.
Only by God’s grace do I deserve to be here. When the first 1,000$ came in from a family I had never met, I thought… wow this is what receiving what you don’t deserve feels like in the physical. If you have received the gift of salvation, the greatest gift we can receive without deserving it, that’s the first time you truly understand, “So this is what the overwhelming magnitude of grace feels like.” And it’s easier to start recognizing all the ways God extends His grace.
At a study we had the other day, the speaker described three specific qualities of God…
Just- to get what you deserve.
Merciful- not getting what you do deserve.
Gracious- getting what you don’t deserve.
In the parable of Matthew 20, there were workers who worked all day and received their wage of one denarius for a full days work. They were strong, capable, hard workers. Then there was the group who worked for one hour, because no one hired them…maybe they weren’t good workers, maybe they were weak, maybe they were known around town and undesirable. But they too received the same wage as the first group, one denarius…for hours less of work. The first group received Justice, they got what they agreed upon. The last group received grace, they got what they didn’t deserve because of the generosity of the master.
His grace has been all too apparent, even in just these last two months:
It is by God’s grace that I am able to travel around the world. It’s by His grace that I got to hug and hold babies who didn’t have any parents of their own in Armenia. It’s by His grace that I got to sing and laugh with one of the workers in the orphanage. Its by God’s grace I get to meet people impacting the kingdom. It’s by His grace that I get to hear the dreams of people around the world, whether they’ve lost families, or they’re handicapped, or they are wishing for something beyond what we call ‘normal’. It’s by His grace that I get to serve alongside people who love Jesus as much as I do, and who have the same mission in mind. It’s by His grace that I get to pray with those on the streets of Armenia. It’s by His grace that I was able to nap by Lake Sevan, and run in a park here in Kazakhstan while snowflakes fall down like feathers, and smell the trees and nature, or see a beautifully colored bird, or eat a Nutella brownie with ice cream, or hang out with new friends who are amazingly kind and generous. It’s by His grace that I have a curtain on my bed allowing me to write this blog with no distractions. It’s by His grace that yesterday we had SUNSHINE, and that we got to celebrate a birthday with steak, that we had a giant window in our room, and a desk to write at, and that I am able to facetime my family because we have working wifi, and that I can take a shower without the bathroom flooding, and that we have conditioner, and that we got to hear some amazing live music with friends. It’s by His grace that I hear testimonies from people from Afghanistan, Sudan, India, Armenia, and all over the world.
It is so easy to think that you do deserve certain things… like thinking I deserve space, or an adequate amount of food, or a coffee. But then there’s the times when you look at something big and magnificent, like God, and think, man I don’t deserve Him. Or I don’t deserve to do the World Race. I don’t deserve to have these crazy life changing experiences, and I don’t deserve to share the gospel because it is so beautiful and wonderful. But in the end, God in all His love, just looks at us with love and the eyes of a Father who wants to give His kids the world, and says, “Yeah, but you get to anyways.”
So at times on the race, it has been easy for me to forget that I don’t deserve any of this. I start thinking, ugh another bathroom with no toilet paper, another train that is 80 degrees and smells like urine, another meal with straight up carbs, a 30 hour ship ride with creepy men, I wish I had different clothes, better socks, a lighter backpack, a less squeaky bed, a bottom bunk, a bathroom with the light switch inside the actual bathroom not halfway around the hallway, less instant coffee, more time to do things, earlier nights, later mornings, etc…until I’m reminded. As soon as I remember that this is a gift from my Daddy, I can stop taking things so seriously and start expressing my gratitude and thankfulness of everything He has given me just because He loves me.
So after reflecting on my first initial thoughts before the race a lot has changed. I’m still not a preacher, teacher, etc…but I can share with people what I know for a fact He has done in my life . I have a looot of grace poured out on me from Him, and that’s all I need for me to be qualified enough to share with others. God has been teaching me over and over, to stop comparing. Focusing on Him, allows me to give what He’s given me, not what I’m duplicating from looking at others. I can always extend the grace He’s given me, I can always give prayer… and ask Him to give others what they need, I can share the hope that there is something better than what we see on earth, I can give the joy He’s instilled in my heart, or the peace that comes with trusting Him, or the comfort that He pours over me every day I miss home or feel discouraged, or the love He gives me when He tells He enjoys spending time with me, or the service He exemplified throughout Jesus’ life, and as He gives me more, I am able give more away. So my ultimate prayer for you and for anyone else who wants to do something maybe a little big or scary, is to remember that God probably wants it for you more than you want it yourself, for no reason other than that He loves you. He has called and qualified you to share in extending His Kingdom, no matter who you are or what you think your gifts are. He will work everything out. And He will take you on the best adventures of your life, simply because you’re His. Write out your passions and gifts and use the things you love- nature, painting, photography, coffee- to share with others. I’ve seen people on the Race use their gift of playing guitar or singing- to draw people into a conversation, or photography to get people to open up, or we have drawn visions and given them to people with the date and time so they see God has had a plan since before that moment… and the more you focus on those things, the more He will use them.
Thanks!
Recap on last month in Armenia: We got to partner with some believers in the area who led us into some cool opportunities. We were able to volunteer at a sisters orphanage for handicapped and special needs children, where I felt so fulfilled being able to pray for all the babies as we held and played with them, one was adopted while we were there ! We got to go to a drug and alcohol rehab center, a nursing home, and to pray with some women on the streets who definitely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, as well as just being able to love and pray for those who are homeless and enduring the cold winters of Yerevan. We got to meet students from Armenia and India and hear their vision for the city that’s is known as the ‘City of God’ as they work alongside the next generation who will bring so many more into the Kingdom. We also got to have a private tour with a priest of Etchmiadze, who happened to be a friend of our new friend whom we met at a Cinnabon, who shared what he was doing with us and we were able to share a bit with him. I have loved getting to know the people of Armenia. As they are hoping and praying for some big things to happen throughout the country, we can be praying with them!
Here are some pics, many of which I stole from Lauren Nelson… thanks Lauren ! And my team for the month of Armenia – Me, Jacob, Catherine, Lauren, Eli, Preston, Brittani.
