May 1st… I am now in my very last month on the race. Is that even possible? It seems as if we have been in a never ending August for the past 8 months. Time is so warped.
Changes galore are about to take place, but it doesn’t seem like they actually will. Apparently, in about 30 days, I will be flying to the United States, leaving the people I’ve been in such tight community with for 9 months, start working at my old job, and just be living in Colorado. Everybody that I’ve slept next to, eaten with, done ministry with, just lived life with for months and months, will just be dispersed throughout the United States. One day I will be on the race and the next day, it will be a thing of the past which only pictures and stories can prove existed.
All the good and the hard aspects of being home- which I haven’t thought about because it was always “oh we have 7 more months, I don’t need to focus on that right now”- will all be present and reality in a month…
I will be around my friends from home, get to come home to 2 beautiful, non-flee covered/not diseased dogs everyday, drive!!!, and have a parent in charge of me in just 30 days!!!!! what?? nope. ah. so much good, so much uncertainty, so many thoughts I don’t think I can even begin to process.
How did time go by so quickly? How am I supposed to act?
So many things that once seemed normal were all suddenly flipped, and now, have to all just flip back. I’m returning to my old “normal”.
But how am I supposed to do that when I have different concerns now, different values, different things I find important, different perspectives on life?
It’s all very daunting in many ways.. but very exciting, as well. How am I going to implement everything I’ve learned from these past 9 months into my “pre-race” life?
On the outside, the life I was living before the race and the life I am preparing to live after the race will be identical (the same work, same friends, same church, same house, same state, same city, same surroundings, etc.). But on the inside, I have the ability to make it polar opposite.
Questions like, “How am I going to spend my time? How will I bring ministry into my every day life? How will I respond differently when talking to my friends? How will the things which I value the most be represented in my every day life? What will my choices and actions be? Who will I fear? How will I speak? How will I respect my mom? What will my priorities be? What will my appearance infer? Is everything I’m doing everyday for the sole purpose of serving God and bringing heaven to earth?” are swirling around my brain and are at the brink of being reality.
Whenever I feel anxiety creep into the thought of going home, God reminds me of when He fed the Israelites with manna. Their situation seemed so hopeless and full of uncertainty. Yet everyday, God gave them food from HEAVEN.
Every single day, they had to be fully dependent on God in order to survive. >> Every single day (not just when I go home in June, but for the rest of my life), I will need to be fully dependent on my Father. I will not survive without Him. And what He is going to give me won’t just fill me up and then leave me hungry again.
God gave the manna away freely. He never made them pay for the food they were given. >> He gives Himself away freely- I can never earn what He is giving away or get it another way or even pay Him back for it.
The manna didn’t just fall into people’s hands or onto their plates, they had to go out and collect it. >> Having a relationship with God won’t just be placed in my lap and effortless, I will have to fight for it, work hard, and be intentional about it.
If they ever took too much manna, it would rot. >> He will give me enough grace, love, Himself, everything for every single day. I do not need to worry about the next day or the next week because He is always faithful and will give me enough for each day. I have no reason to fear, I have no reason for anxiety, I only have reason for hope and revival.
I am going home leaning completely on God. Every weakness I have will just be another way for His strength to show and work through me. With refreshed eyes, I am expectant of seeing His glory in the Denver Metro area like never before.
Please pray for all of us racers during this last month. That we are able to remain focused on our mission here and now. Pray that as we go back, our hearts are softened and the people we are returning to have softened and prepared hearts. That in every conversation we have about the World Race, we are able to glorify God and further the kingdom. Pray that our transition is smooth and there will be people in each racer’s life that will help them with their return home. Pray that we never forget the lessons we learned and that our relationship with God will only progress and be strengthened. We just need lots of prayer for going home:)
