Okay so three really crazy things happened during worship the other day!!!! I hope they make sense because they’re still a little scattered.. BUT HERE IT GOES!!!!
First Thing:
I think I began to grasp a little bit of what God meant when He says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
I started thinking back on what had to happen for me to go on the World Race. Here are just a few of the billions of things that had to happen in order for me to be here…
Since I was born, my family had gone to St. Andrews church. When I was in first grade, my parents suddenly didn’t feel like it was the right fit anymore and somehow decided to go church hunting (one of my god parents went there, our families’ closest friends went there, and so many other factors made this church so comfortable- yet somehow my parents still felt called to leave). In first and second grade, I didn’t have many friends at school and my mom would ALWAYS worry about it. I finally made a friend, Emily, who’s family took us to their church. I loved it there because literally my only friend went there. Even though my mom was so beyond grateful I had finally found a friend, she somehow still didn’t feel like this church was right for us and made us continue church hunting. Somehow, the only requirement she had in looking for a church was an outstanding youth group (I was only in 2nd grade and youth groups don’t start until you’re in 6th grade, but that was still her only requirement). She talked to so many people and somehow she listened to the one person who suggested we attend a service at Cherry Creek Presbyterian Church. We went to one service here and some how she immediately said we were done church hunting. She somehow continued to push me into going to youth group every week and attend their retreats, even when I would beg her not to (I didn’t want to go only because the 3 most amazing friends I had made there all suddenly moved away). Then, somehow, the youth team at CCPC decided to hire one intern- out of who knows how many- named Angie Blattner. Somehow, she became my freshman and sophomore leader. Somehow, I ended up going on one retreat in the winter and was one of the few people who had to share a room with the leader. AND somehow, she randomly told me she went on the World Race at around 11 o’clock at night. Even though, at this point, I had only been on one mission trip before, I made her stay up for HOURS telling me everything about it. Somehow, I immediately knew I was going on it, went home to tell my mom, watched every video, went through the entire website, waited four years, got accepted, and now, I’m writing a blog post in the Dominican Republic.
SOMEHOW= GOD. He has literally been moving mountains for me to get to where He wants me to be SINCE I WAS BORN. And even wayyyyyy before that! How did my grandparents meet? How did my great great great grandparents meet? Why did my mom decide to leave everything she knew and move to Colorado… and stay there? How did Angie end up applying for my church’s internship? What were all the things that had to specifically happen in her life to get her to the World Race? There are so many things that had to be perfectly aligned for me to be born, for me to have gone through, and for me to just be in the right place at the right time to even go on the World Race… literally it is blowing my mind.
Second Thing:
I feel like my entire life when I get close to someone, whether it be friends or leaders or other individuals, most of them move away or leave me in one way or another. This has gone on in my life since the end of elementary school or the beginning of middle school, and it has always left me confused and hurt. God made me realize that it is because- literally since I was that young (probably before then but who can remember that far back)- He has been trying to make me dependent on Him. This whole time He has been seeking me out and I have ignored it.
Third Thing:
A girl on my squad came up to me in the middle of worship. She told me God had given her a message for me. God wanted me to know that He is a selfish God and wants all of me. He wants me to be fully committed to Him and my focus to be on Him and Him alone.
I don’t know how to begin to do do this, but I am so grateful to have a selfish God who wants ME.
