there’s an array of thought that cross a persons mind when it come to forgiveness.
you see, I want to be filled with grace, ready to extend it willingly.
But when does the tank run out.
how long should it go on.
to be frank, i’m tired of the outpour of it all.
the fact is it’s impossible for us to give unconditional grace as well as unconditional love.
once a wrong is done. done is done.
an individual has two decisions,
to stay angry,
or to extend grace and forgiveness.
both have products.
when we stay angry, it’s the same as building a wall around our hearts, declaring vacancy in the place that once held love.
while when we extend grace it exemplifies am electricity wheel.
the more you use the electricity the faster the wheel goes.
the more grace you use the faster you run out.
until the wheel is spinning so fast, tiredness seeps into the vacancy that grace once was in.
as much as we want to offer up grace without a price.
it has a cost.
you see everyone has the capability to forgive but seldom can they forget.
character is like a quilt.
each patch good or bad, is sewn on.
when wrong is done,
a good patch is torn off.
when grace is given, the patch returns but with frail stitching.
when this continues to happen over and over again, the blanket itself has deteriorated.
only resembling something from a memory.
how many patches do I give back.
so please tell me where the gage is.
where do i give up. when do I give up.
I want to give up.
despite the calling I know so well, my heart longs to be secure in between the walls of protection from hurt that used to stand for so long.
But I took those walls down along time ago and have paid the price for it ever since.
these days i’m stuck in the current of guilt and pride.
guilted when pride is the king of the hill and knocks any other response off.
there’s a point in time where my tank is empty. i’m tired. i allow the doubts to seep in. in fact, I welcome them, simply labeling them as practicalities.
it’s here.
that I lay down all my thoughts.
with no conclusion, only my tired soul searching, searching, searching,
for the answer to question no one knows.
