One of the earliest things I remember learning in improv was to not immediately start a scene with conflict. As humans we tend to correlate conflict with interest and depth. Where there is fiery passion there is depth. Where there is conflict there something interesting to watch. But we cant just default to conflict when we feel our scene lagging. Yes, conflict can be useful in improv and entertaining to watch, to an extent, but we need to train ourselves away from always defaulting to conflict.
As with most things improv, I find that lesson to be incredibly applicable to my life on the mission field.
Serbia has been GOOD. My new team is GOOD. I love our ministry here. I love our little Airbnb. I love the relationships we have built with those who call this country home.
I feel like I need to do a quick gratitude recap of how I´ve been blessed this month:
-God has blessed me with a unified, loving and peaceful team of women to fight alongside in serving and bringing love to this place.
-He has placed us next to a river that I can run next to by myself and not feel unsafe.
-He has filled our days with people and coffee and fruitful conversations that fill me up so I can pour out.
-He heard my prayers of missing my old team and brought some of my best friends to see me and SURPRISE me before my birthday.
-A $13 bus ticket to Macedonia to spend my 26th birthday
-His relentless pursuit of my heart
-Teammates who see and love others the way Jesus does
-SNOW
-Cheap coffee and good food
-New friendships
So. My dilemma. When things are good, how do they get better? How do you build a stronger relationship with a sister when you don’t have immediate conflict to overcome together? How do you get to the raw and deep love that accompanies healthy conflict resolution?
The Bible talks a lot about suffering. About our faiths being tested, tried and sharpened by trials. The Lord is a comforter who is with us in all and through all. Hard seasons make us press into Him and others because there is simply nothing else we can think to do.
But the good and peaceful seasons are what we ask him for. We beg him for those times in the midst of our suffering. And that is where I find myself. Having been brought out of Cambodia specifically where my body failed me and my team struggled and my toilet was a hole in the ground. Then my team was changed and my best friends taken away and I wept and still weep when I hear our song How He Loves.
But then he brought me to this place. This country that holds my roots and history and is just full of people waiting to welcome you into their home and try their rakija. A place where our ministry is meeting with people who are on mission for Jesus and perhaps could benefit from hosting a World Race team. A place where in addition to that we just get to make FRiENDS. I LOVE MAKING FRIENDS. This month I get to prioritize getting coffee with people and hearing their stories and sharing why I came so far from my country to theirs. I love doing it alongside my teammates who bring me joy and life and challenge me everyday.
So. In a season like this, how do we go deeper? How do we celebrate what God has done and who He is without our minds being occupied by a battle we need him to fight?
I always need God when things are bad. But how much do I feel I need him when things are good? I have been challenged this month to delight in who my God is and not what he can do for me. For the Father that he is to me and my teammates and this world, and not the blessings we ask him for. Don’t get me wrong, he gives us good things and definitely tells us to ask him for good things. He is a provider. But thats just one aspect of our infinite God. How do I widen the lens in which I see my God and just dance in celebration of who he is?
I feel like Im using a lot of question marks in this blog. I really do have so many questions. And I think even those are gifts from him this month. He hasn’t let me wander off in contentment or apathy and tell him, ¨Phew. That was crazy. Thanks for everything, I can take it from here for a while. I used to be so prone to do that. Thankfully, he has brought me to a place where I can truly desire to be with Him whether or not I need something.
Man. It´s freeing. And it reminds me of how to pursue my teammates. How to interact with the world. How to truly love someone.
I don’t have to need something to change in a teammate to have a real relationship with them. I can DELIGHT in who they are and not what they can do for me.
That’s a hard thing. Because so many relationships are built on transactions, or even resolving some of conflict. So many conversations I have are initiated because I need something from someone, or will hopefully get something in return for what I give them. What if we just loved people because they are people? What if instead of waiting for there to be a trial in my friendship I just told my friend I loved her? Why isn’t that my first instinct when I ponder how to pursue her?
I’m working on that. On loving the way God does, because I know that HE knows that I really have nothing to offer him. He doesn’t wait for a hard moment to come and find us, though that’s when we usually go looking for him. I am able to love because he first loved me, and that should be enough. I want to love THIS way, despite my circumstances, whether they be hard seasons or peaceful ones. His love and affection for me doesn’t change depending on how lovable I’m acting in that moment. Therefore, I don’t want my love for him or others to depend on how turbulent or calm the waters are.
Alright. That’s all I got. Thanks for reading! LOVE to each of you. Real, relentless love.
