Mine
I thought I knew what this word meant. Such a simple word yet it has so much meaning.
At my World Race launch this past September I was blessed with a key. Here is the story behind the key. There is a sweet man Austin Ulsh and the Lord placed on this heart to pray over every person who was launching and He asked the lord for a word for each and every person. He asked the Lord to give them a word that the Lord wanted people to know. He took each word He got and engraved it on a key. When I received my key at launch it had the word “mine” on it. I looked at it and I thought I knew what it meant. I took it as the lord saying to me “you are mine”. I said “ok Lord, I am yours I know that”. From that perspective I was talking to the Lord and constantly was telling Him how I know I am His. I didn’t really get the deep meaning of the word.
Today the Lord showed me the true and real meaning of my key. Yes, I am His but that wasn’t what the lord wanted to emphasis with this word and with this key.
He blew all my assumptions of what I “thought” it meant out of the water. My whole life Jesus has been a part of my world. When I made the decision to make my relationship with the Lord my own and not for anyone else my world started to change. I started to see the Lord for who He really is, or at least I thought I was seeing Him for who He truly is but I have learned to so much more these past few months.
Today I was sitting in a hammock overlooking the mountains just spending some time with Jesus. I was just being still before Him. I didn’t have anything too pressing on my heart, I just needed to be still before Him and let Him work in my heart. In that time He showed me a lot. In that time He brought a lot of peace and comfort to me. So a little bit into my time I was spending with the lord I started to think about my key. I asked the lord why it had the word “mine” on it. I said again to him how I know that I am his but there must be more and that’s when He spoke into my heart. As I sat there the lord spoke to me the real meaning. It means He is MINE. WOW. Mine. He is my Abba, He is my Friend, He is my guide, He is my protector. That is so beautiful. When the Lord spoke that to me, my mind was actually in shock. I started to ask questions and the Lord revealed to me how my entire relationship with Him I have always seen Him as God. How I always saw Him and would say yeah you’re God but how I also never truly believed He was mine. He revealed to me how I always felt unworthy of Him being mine.
Yet He spoke and said that I am His and He is MINE. He is my Lord and so much more. He is my everything. I don’t have anything aside from Him and truthfully I don’t need anything out side of HIm. This world has nothing to offer me. The money, the jobs, the social norms, the relationships. All the things that the enemy uses to trap people have lost all grip on me. I am free! The Lord has set me free. I gave up my worldly self to serve a God who laid His whole life down to save mine. I lay down all of my worldly self at your feet, Lord.
My favorite song says “Be lifted high as my kingdoms fall, once and for all”. Those words literally strike my soul every time I hear them. That is such a powerful statement. That literally speaks so much truth. It’s a statement to lay your whole life down. To give Jesus you’re everything. Your joy, your shame, your guilt, your heart, your future, your past, your decisions, your relationships, your friendships, your hopes, your dreams, your plans, your pain. When I say everything, I mean absolutely everything. It means giving the Lord the things you hide deep down inside because they bring too much shame or they bring too much pain. It means giving the Lord your dreams and your desires for your future. It means giving the Lord all the pent up anger and bitterness from the past. It isn’t easy laying everything down. Giving my life to Jesus meant saying I will let go of control of my life so He can take over. That is hard. That isn’t a one and done kind of thing. It’s a daily thing. Laying down the flesh and letting the Lord renew me with Himself and His truths. It’s a daily “picking up my cross” and following His will. Following the Lord was the best decision I have ever made. It was a decision of yes letting go of control but gaining so much peace through that. It was about laying down worry and picking up faith. Faith that God will protect me and faith that He has the best for my life. It’s about trusting and believing His truths. It’s laying your everything down and lifting His name. It is putting God at the top priority list in every single situation.
So much has been revealed to me through out this past month. The Lord has been showing me what it looks like to persevere. He has been showing me what it looks like to truly trust Him. He is showing me what it looks like to have full dependency and full faith in Him and His plans. He knows everything that is going to happen before it happens. Honestly He knows before we even think of it.
The Lord has been showing me throughout these pasts months that He loves me through every stage of Kate. He loves me through every mood of Kate. He loves me through and through. I wrote earlier how the Lord had revealed to me that I have always felt unworthy of Him being mine. Through that God has been showing me that He loves all of me. That’s the thing about unconditional love. I’ve always compared peoples love for me to God’s love (they aren’t even close to the same). I would compare my experience with humans and their love for me with His love for me. Yet God’s love for me isn’t even close to the same. His love isn’t a every now and again kind of love. It isn’t a you got me mad so I’m going to leave kind of love or a you messed up bad so I can’t forgive you kind of love. It’s an unfathomable kind of love. It’s the kind of love that says “you’ve fallen 10 times but I’ve caught you each time and helped you back up”. Its the kind of love that says “You are forgiven”. It’s not a seven times kind of love but a seventy times seven kind of love. It isn’t a day by day kind of love. It isn’t a once and awhile kind of love. The Lord has been teaching me and revealing to me that it is an every day, every minute, every second kind of love. It doesn’t ever leave me. He has been revealing that only through Him will I find love like this.
In my past I searched for love in all the wrong places. I looked to friendships and relationships to try and find a love to fill a void that ONLY God can fill. I looked for His unconditional love in the wrong places and came up disappointed each time. Only when I started to look to Him did I find what I have been looking for all my life. Even through finding His love He is still teaching me so much. He has been teaching me that His love is like no other. Sometimes I mess up and I say to God “Forgive me God but really how could you ever forgive a sinner like me?” and He looks at me with love and compassion in His eyes and tells me I am His daughter and I am forgiven – My sins are as far as the east is from the west. He has a love for me that makes no sense and yet so easily brings me to tears. To think God, the one and only Savior and creator of this universe loves me so much. It really is unfathomable and yet so beautiful and so special.
God isn’t a “you’ve ran too far away’ kind of God but He is a “Just come home” kind of God. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve run away. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve messed up. All things that would matter to a human don’t matter to God. It comes down to God and His love. His love covers over a multitude of sins. That means it doesn’t matter how much guilt you have. God loves us so much and He wants to lift that off our shoulders.
Today the lord brought so much truth to my heart. He brought so much truth to my past and to my future even. Today the Lord revealed to me the He is mine. I am not worthy of him and yet He loves me so much and made it possible for me to have a close relationship with him. I am awestruck by His love for me.
I am yours Lord and you are mine.
