During a recent team time, we had a super feedback session. With Super Feedback, you come to team time with a positive and constructive for each person on the team. Something that you have sit and pray about, that you truly feel the Lord wants you to reveal to the other person. First of all, that scares the life out of me. Feedback has never been my strong suit. Actually, that’s a lie. I’m really good at positive. I thoroughly enjoy building people up and pointing out their strengths. But when it comes to having to say something to someone that isn’t always looked at positively, I FREAK OUT! It terrifies me. But I prayed. And I listened to God. And I went to team time with something for everyone, even a Bible verse.
So there we are, all six of us sitting around the bedroom, with our journals in our hand. Feedback starts, everyone says what they feel the Lord put on their hearts, and just like that, we were done. It actually went very well and we were all impressed.
So now, anyone want to guess what the main thing I received in constructive feedback was? Well, let me tell you. Fear. How funny is that? I spent the whole week, sitting in a big ol pile of fear, and then God called me out. Not once, but five times in different ways.
My team leader asked me why I was so fearful. She even challenged me to seek it out with the Lord. To spend time with Him asking Him where the fear came from, and why I gave it so much power. Another one of my teammates said “It seems as if there is something you are still holding on to, a life preserver almost”. She wasn’t wrong. She also said, “In this place, in this time of your life, there is no better place to let go”. She wasn’t wrong there either.
So that’s my goal. I have spent the last couple days sitting with the Lord. Asking Him to reveal to me where it comes from and how to grow past it. I don’t have any straight answers yet, and I definitely don’t have a resolution. But I do have faith in the Lord, and I do have a desire to see this through. Sometimes we don’t get the answer we want on the day we want it. Sometimes it is a process of sitting with the Lord and growing closer to Him. I know He will reveal to me the reasons I give fear so much power, and I also know that with Him by my side, we will overcome it.
Something else I know, I get to be surrounded by five wonderful women of God. Five women who love me enough to push me in my fear. To push me out of my fear. I knew when this team came together that God had a plan. He always does. But I did not know that His plan would become so real so fast. I never thought we would be two weeks in and they would already be in the process of making me a better human. I love that bunch of Spades!
