This is my goal. Every hour of every day.
I have said yes, and I’m not stopping now.
I am not going to allow the enemy to persuade my emotions, how I feel, or what I do.
I’m going to give the enemy exactly what he doesn’t want.
So as I look back at the season of life with pain and hurt that I am still in, I recognize that the beginning was no coincidence. My prayer since about Christmas break/New Years has been this.
“Lord, show me You in a deeper way than I could ever imagine. Show me the depth of how much You truly love me. I want to walk every day in the freedom and life that the Love of the Father brings. I don’t want to be a person that just knows in my head that Jesus loves me. I don’t want that to be an empty phrase anymore. I want my life to be radically changed for the Better and for Truth. I want every thought and action to be You, not me; knowing the depth of how real, huge, and ever present You actually are. I want to be a radical disciple, not a complacent believer.”
Not until now have I realized how dangerous of a prayer that is. I didn’t know the cost that it would take to get to that point. This whole time I have been angry with the Lord for this extremely difficult and painful season. But now I am realizing that the Lord has allowed me to experience and live through this because it is growing and teaching me deeper reliance on Him. I have been angry with the suffering but now I am thankful. I am learning to thank the Father for who He is and His character through all circumstances. I know that is something that I have been told to do my whole life, but now I am really learning what that truly looks like. My dangerous prayer is being answered and for that I am hopeful. Even as I right this blog I am struggling, but this season is bringing me into deeper intimacy with the Lord and I am learning more and more of who He is. I am determined to press into Jesus even when I doubt His reality. This is not what the enemy wants, so it’s exactly what i’m going to do. I realized that staying the complacent believer that I was, would have been so easy! But we aren’t called for our walk to be easy. We are called to steadfastness no matter what, so that by this we may be perfect. We are called to perfection!! What!? I.. I don’t even know where to start with that. We can’t do it on our own. I have read James 1 so many times, more than any other passage, and yet I have never grasped the depth of verse 4 –>
“(2) Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, (3) for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. (4) And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
I have always read these verses and thought about physical persecution for our faith when it refers to trials. Never have I interpreted that as emotional and spiritual struggles. I never knew that my prayer would lead to so much depth. Which ironically enough is what I was praying for. The Lord answers prayers. It may not look at all like what you thought, but He will work it out for His glory. He longs for intimacy with us! That blows my mind. But He calls us into Him. Are we going to ignore Him? Or will we pursue His calling and call back to Him? He wants us to pray dangerous prayers because as we seek deeper surrender we gain deeper intimacy.
Let’s scare the world and terrify the devil with our prayers and actions. Prayers are powerful and the Holy Spirit will intercede for us even when we don’t feel like we have the words to speak (Romans 8:26-27). So why would we stop talking with and praising the Creator!? Let’s give the devil the worst day of his life, every day.
– James 1:2-4
– Romans 8:26-27
