We’ve made it to our debrief location in Cusco, Peru! (Month 9!!) I honestly can’t believe I only have three months left of this crazy adventure. God has been teaching me a lot of things the past couple months and I’ve been wrestling with a lot of things as a result. God has been keeping me in a waiting season and TBH I thought this was going to be a temporary season and surely by now I would have a job lined up, an apartment to live in, buckets of money in my bank account and some direction for what I’m doing with my life.
Well the truth is, I don’t have any of that. I’m still waiting.
I can’t help but sort of feel like a loser. Let’s just be real. I’m 27 years old and most of my friends are married with babies and solid careers. And I’m over here feeling like I’m in lalaland dancing around with no clue what to do with my life. Don’t get me wrong, I literally have pages of ideas of what to do with my life, it’s not like I don’t have any passions. I think my problem is I have too many passions. Is that a thing? But I find myself living in fantasy land, dreaming about things that are out of my control instead of focusing on my reality and things that are truly going on around me.
I’m stuck in a valley right now.
Last night my squadmate Alex stood up and talked about a revelation she had, and dang it hit home. She talked about the Transfiguration of Jesus when Peter, James and John went up to a mountaintop with Jesus and He was transfigured before them and was brilliant and white and then Moses and Elijah appeared and Jesus was chatting with them before a cloud covered them and God Himself spoke telling the three that Jesus was His Son and they should listen to Him.
Okay wow. Crazy story, right!? Well Alex correlated it to the Race saying that we’ve had these “mountaintop moments” with God. Maybe I haven’t seen Jesus in the flesh or heard God audibly, but I have had intense incredible moments with the Lord. These mountaintop moments are few and far between and when I’m down in the valley, I start to forget about the transfiguration that happened before my eyes.
The part of the story that really caught me was when Alex said, we have these mountaintop moments, but that’s not where we are called to stay. We aren’t suppose to be up on the mountain with Jesus, chilling with Him in all His glory always. I mean that’d be super cool, but no, Jesus then sends the three back down into the valley. Telling them, that when the Son of Man has risen that they should tell of all they had witnessed.
It’s my job here on the Race to be aware of these mountaintop moments, and vulnerable in the valley to share the glory of all the things God is doing. I literally have no idea what I am doing in three months. I feel alone. But that’s just such a lie! Because God is with me in the waiting season, making me recall my mountaintop moments, so that I’m able to trust Him more with this next season. I cannot rely on my own steps to guide me to the place I want to go, but I have to allow the Lord to direct my steps.
I’ve had Proverbs 16:9 spoken over me three times in the last three days… I have a thing for three’s, so when that happens I LISTEN.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
I think it’s really good that I have a million passions and ideas. I shouldn’t look at that as a weakness. I’m honestly not sure where I will end up in a year’s time, but I shouldn’t worry. Because I know I will have more mountaintop moments, and I know that the Lord will establish my steps.
I guess I’m just going to sit back and enjoy this debrief, listen to testimonies and teachings and take a rest. Only three months left of the craziest year of my life and still so much to learn.
Family, friends, I miss and love you so much. Thank you for walking through this with me and loving me unconditionally. I’m praying for you every single day. Three months.
