Beauty for Ashes is a program that was created by our organization Adventures in Missions. It is a woman’s ministry event to bring healing and restoration to women all over the world. This event gives women the opportunity to open up about past tragedies, share testimonies and have a safe space to talk about what has happened in their life and start to seek healing for their pain.
If I’m being honest with you, Beauty for Ashes can seem a little intimidating, especially if you are the one helping to facilitate the event. There is something hard about being a leader and “going first”. In order for these women to open up and share about their past shame, they have to feel safe. One of the best ways for people to gain a sense of comfort is to feel community and oneness within a group; they don’t want to feel alone. In order to facilitate that, you have to go first. Meaning you can’t put on this event and hold anything back from the girls you’re ministering.
The first time I helped out with a Beauty for Ashes event was two months ago in Ethiopia, where I shared my testimony to the group of women and handed out scripture about our identity in Christ. It was hard. I literally sobbed the whole time. I’m really working on how to control my emotions when I share my testimony, but parts of it are still really painful for me. It was an incredible experience and I felt this deep connection to God and realized that He is going to use my story to change so many women’s lives.
We got to Bolivia around two weeks ago and have been working with a lot of different ministries. One of the ministries is working at a girl’s home called El Alfarero (“The Potter”). This home is the only Christian girls home in Bolivia. What? We had a chance to speak to the director, Roger, about the difficulties of running a program such as this. It is very difficult to get girls to stay off the streets, because they feel a sense of community outside the home. There is also difficulty in maintaining safe healthy relationships within the home between the girls and between the staff as well. Girls will often leave and return to the streets after staying for only a short time. Roger takes in any girl, regardless of financial circumstance.
Currently there are 4 girls at the home. Vickie, Blanca, Marilyn and Edith. Marilyn is 14 years old and pregnant with her first child and has already had conversations about leaving the home and returning to live and work on the street. Blanca has a son, Sayyid, and she has been living at the home for a couple years now. Edith is this happy bundle of joy, but admitted to us during our Beauty for Ashes event that she is really sad on the inside and believes that God is really far away from her. Vickie is the eldest and has been living at El Alfarero since she was 8 years old.
During the Beauty for Ashes event, we had the girls draw a picture of a time in their life when they felt sad. During this time we play worship music and we all draw a picture and then offer an opportunity to share our drawings with one another. I shared a small part of my testimony of a time when I felt alone and explained that I wasn’t truly alone, that God was with me and that I just needed to realize that He had placed people all around me to pull me out of that dark place.
It’s usually difficult for girls to share their drawings as it brings up really painful memories for them. But this is so good to do, because speaking about the hurt and pain gives room for healing so we really try to encourage the girls to share. Vickie was the only one to share, through much coaxing. She was embarrassed before even beginning and said, I don’t want to share because I don’t want to cry. Which had all of us brimming to begin with.
Her drawing was of a cactus plant surrounded by beautiful flowers and a red balloon.
She told us how angry she is. She explained that she’s been living at the home since she was 8 and in most cases she would say she’s been spoiled by the love of the employees working there and Roger. She told us she hates that people love her, that she can’t understand why externally people give her love but she feels nothing on the inside. She said some days she wishes she was dead. She is mad at Edith because Edith is so happy and she hates seeing people enjoy their lives because she doesn’t. She says she hates hugs, kisses, any form of touch or love. She told us to not feel pity on her because it’s just her life and she doesn’t want our pity.
She explained that sometimes when she is alone and walking home this black shadow follows her and speaks to her. She said it tells her negative things about her identity. But she speaks back to it. She says things like, I may not be smart but at least I’m not dumb. I may not be rich but at least I have something. She told us that this “thing” tries to devalue her and she speaks out against it telling it that she has some value.
At the end of her story, she shared how much she hates God. She hates him so much and the only reason why she prays or goes to church is to honor Roger and the establishment she lives in, but as soon as she can get out and make something of herself, she will.
I was crying throughout her whole story. I couldn’t help it. I was looking at this young girl who felt such hardness and pain on the inside but was still exhibiting such strength and all I saw was myself. Her story and her pain echoed everything I ever felt when I was 16-17 years old. I almost wanted to laugh out, because I was so mesmerized by how God was working in her life and she didn’t even realize it. After people share we just say, “Thank you for sharing” and move on. And I so badly wanted to pull her aside and say, ME TOO! I HEAR YOU!!! And just let her know that she wasn’t alone and there would be such freedom in her life and that she just needed to hold on. But something inside me made me slow down and wait.
God made me take a look back at my own life and consider what I would have wanted. I thought about how brave it was for her to even share that piece of her story and how that showed she desired to move past it. I just listened to a podcast from my home church about fixing people and how sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing. I hate that. I feel like I always have to meddle in something somehow. You know, “If you want to get it done right do it yourself,” type of mindset. But in that moment I just felt God tell me to do nothing, that He was allowing me to be a part of His work in her life, not my own works in her life.
I thought about her drawing. A thorny cactus in the middle of a beautiful garden. She views herself aa dangerous, that anything she touches will be destroyed. But it was such a beautiful drawing.. She is sitting on top of an oasis of living water. On the outside she may seem dry and withering, but underneath she is drinking up water from a well of restoration. It is giving her life and strength and she doesn’t even realize it yet. I felt God moving in that room as strongly as any person sitting tangibly next to me. I had a revelation that we all have The Holy Spirit in us and that day God brought 6 girls to that house to speak Truth to them. We got to be a tangible representation of Christ’s love for them and it was so breathtaking to be a part of. I never thought that doing nothing would be so rewarding or I would feel such peace about it, but sitting back and observing her drawing, replaying her story in my mind, I wanted to laugh out and cry about the intense way God was moving through that place and all He wanted to tell me was, JUST WATCH ME WORK.
God doesn’t need us to do any of His work for Him. He breathed life into this world and He doesn’t really need our help to restore this world back to Him. But He let’s us be a part of His miracles. He let’s us watch Him move and work in the lives of other’s and we get to be a small part of that, because He loves us. It’s just so amazing.
I have such a heart for young adults, teenage girls and women’s ministry. I don’t really know what I’m going to do with any of this yet, but I love that God is revealing piece by piece to me throughout the months on the field. I love how God has given me strength to share my testimony to thousands of people and now watch the fruit of my obedience give life to others. God’s not done with me yet. God’s not done with Vickie yet. And the amazing thing is, we don’t have to do an ounce of work to see God move us from glory to glory, from ashes to beauty.
