We celebrated Christmas in Panama City, Panama this year!
But it didn’t feel like Christmas. All of the things that make Christmastime feel like Christmastime weren’t there. It wasn’t cold, we didn’t have Christmas parties, we had very few decorations, our oven doesn’t work so there were no cookies, I didn’t have a single frumpy Christmas sweater, we didn’t see our families, we didn’t buy or wrap or give or receive gifts, we didn’t have a candlelit Christmas Eve service in a beautifully decorated and dimly lit church, and we didn’t hear Christmas music. It didn’t feel like Christmas. We were preparing for a Christmas program all month, but because of last-minute planning and preparation, Christmas Day was a day of work, stress, and anxiety. It was not the relaxing, family- and fun-filled day we are used to.
Christmas was stripped of everything that made it Christmas.
On December 23rd, I stood in the kitchen washing dishes wondering why we celebrate Christmas. Why does Christmas matter at all? Without all the traditions and culture of Christmas, I couldn’t feel “in the Christmas spirit.” But what does that even mean? As I reflected on “why Christmas,” I told myself that we celebrate Christmas because Jesus Christ was born. But why does that matter? He was just another baby.
Then I remembered that without Jesus, we wouldn’t have hope. Without Jesus, we wouldn’t have love. Without Jesus, there is no joy. Without Jesus, we have no peace.
Whoa, now that’s a reason to celebrate His coming into the world!
This year, Christmas was stripped of everything that made it “Christmas,” but really, it was stripped of everything we have made Christmas to be when it really isn’t any of those things.
The World Race is hard for a lot of reasons, but this month in particular has been hard in new, challenging ways (wow that’s putting it so lightly). I don’t even know how to fully describe it. We were under attack spiritually as a team and as individuals every day. We have had a teammate in the hospital since week two. Our squad-leaders and two of our teammates rotated in and out of the hospital so she wouldn’t be alone. This meant we only had 5 people for ministry this month as opposed to 8. Ministry really stretched and challenged us in new ways – not only practically through creating children’s programs, writing sermons, sharing testimonies, doing house visits, and putting together a Christmas program (all for the first time), but also spiritually and emotionally in trusting God to be in control and to lead us when we feel completely unprepared and unequipped.
We have struggled. A lot. I have struggled. A lot. I have cried almost every day. I have felt completely hopeless. I have felt completely worthless. I have felt completely unlovable. I have felt completely useless. I have felt completely helpless. I have battled lies from the enemy. I have wrestled with hard decisions. I have felt so many emotions all at once – anger, sadness, grief, frustration, disappointment, stress, anxiety, hurt – and felt no emotions at all. I have stared blankly at my Bible or journal, with no words to write and no idea how to pray and too many thoughts racing through my head to read Scripture. I have hurt my teammates and walked through a challenging season of humility and confession.
But in this valley, I have learned one powerful, sustaining Truth.
Jesus Christ is the source of all love, joy, hope, and peace.
That morning in the kitchen, reflecting on “why Christmas,” I remembered the concept of Advent. In the weeks preceding Christmas Day, Christians wait expectantly like the nation of Israel for the coming of the Messiah. In my home church, we spent those weeks reflecting on the four themes of Advent – the gifts that Jesus brought when He came into the world: love, joy, hope, and peace.
Without Jesus, we have no true hope, love, joy, or peace.
That’s why we celebrate Christmas. And that understanding transformed my outlook on this month.
In the context of the difficulty of this month (wow, still an understatement), Jesus has shown me – shown my whole team – that He is the Source.
Jesus is the source of love; we cannot truly love each other or ourselves unless we are loving out of the overflow we receive from the Father. God is love, so outside of God, there is no true love.
Jesus is the source of joy; there is no joy in trial and sickness and conflict and division, but there is inexplicable joy in Christ and given by Christ no matter our external circumstances.
Jesus is the source of hope; hope in anything but Him is unstable and will fail, but our hope in Him is a solid foundation and will never fail.
Jesus is the source of all peace; when life is a torrential downpour of pain and there’s no way to understand why, Jesus provides a peace which transcends all understanding. Hallelujah.
Because Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life, took my sins upon Him at the cross, rose again, and sent the Holy Spirit, I have perfect and unshakable communion with God.
Because of Jesus, love, hope, joy, and peace are already mine.
Because of Jesus’ victory over death, darkness, and evil, freedom from affliction and victory over evil are already mine.
This month I’ve been learning to claim what is already mine in the Name of Christ Jesus.
When all I am feeling is despair, hopelessness, and pain, I can claim victory over darkness and claim the hope and peace I have in Jesus.
When my friend is hurting and I feel helpless, I can claim freedom from pain and claim the perfect love we both have in Jesus.
When we are in circumstances that are turning from bad to worse, I can claim the incredible and unshakable joy that we have in Christ Jesus – hallelujah!!
This month was hard. But God was good through it all. And God was in control through it all. He is good and His plans are good. We were in Panama City for a reason; we count our blessings that our team was in a city with an incredible hospital and incredible doctors for our teammate. We know that His intention all along was for us to have five teammates doing ministry, not eight, to show us His power and glory through us when we felt unprepared and unequipped. He orchestrated the circumstances surrounding the Christmas program so we didn’t put it together until the day before and didn’t practice it until the morning of. It wasn’t our procrastination, but God’s way of teaching us “I am enough for you; my power is made perfect in your weakness.”
He has proved His great faithfulness over and over and over and over.
Circumstances are still hard and there is more grieving and processing and adjusting to do. Even still, God is good and in control. Through it all, He is so so faithful. Love, joy, hope, and peace are never out of reach. They are already ours. We can find joy in trial, peace in every circumstance, love that never fails, and hope that anchors us.
All this, because of a baby boy.
To God be the glory forever – hallelujah – amen.
