“If a lesson keeps coming up multiple times in multiple different contexts, it’s probably God trying to tell you something.”
That is what I’m experiencing with so many different things on my Race. This blog is about just one of those things. Here’s what I know so far about selfless love, a concept the Lord has been teaching me very specifically since Launch. I still have so much to learn; I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface. But what I have learned is rocking my world.
At Launch, and even more so in Guatemala, I recognized that I have a fear of loving selflessly. I’m afraid that if I love others without regard to myself or my needs, I will end up taken advantage of or left behind or forgotten or not taken care of. I don’t believe my needs will be met if I don’t take care of myself first. It’s easy for me to logically understand the concept “if we all love each other selflessly, everyone will be taken care of,” but it’s a lot harder to put into practice, especially when you have to depend on others to choose it – and you – too.
God spoke into this fear in Guatemala when I decided that one of my goals for the month/year would be to cultivate a heart for ministry and “seek first the Kingdom of God.” I wanted to start by praying for God’s people and pursuing His Kingdom through ministry. I chose this as one of my goals because I didn’t come in to the Race with a passion or really even desire to do ministry; I chose to come on the Race for the personal transformation and self-improvement it would do in me. However, in Luke, Jesus tells His disciples, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and He will give you everything you need” (12:31). My Father in Heaven knows my desire for transformation, and He desires it, too! If I seek first – earnestly search for – the Kingdom of God above all else, He will make that transformation happen. He started asking me, “Do you trust Me to meet your needs?”
Last week, we all filled out a survey for our leadership team reflecting on our Race so far. My teammate, Naomi, and I verbally processed our answers together and both realized that the Lord is calling us into deeper abandonment. Abandonment is the process of leaving behind what is comfortable and learning to depend on Jesus.
That morning, I had read the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand in Luke 9:10-17. Even though I’d heard the story a hundred times, Holy Spirit breathed fresh life into it. In it, Jesus was teaching to a massive crowd, and it got to be about dinner time. The disciples came to Jesus and told Him to send the crowd away to find food and lodging because they were in a remote place. But Jesus surprised them and said, “You feed them.”
BAM! A call to selfless love!! And how do the disciples respond? The same way I would. They said, “But we only have five loaves and two fish… or do you expect us to spend our money to feed all these people?”
Whoo doggy that convicted me. How often do I walk in a “but I only have…” and “do you really expect me to…” attitude? I even have an example! When packing for the World Race, I brought one bottle of my favorite sunscreen (Banana Boat Sport 30, fyi) to last me the whole year. Our first month, we did manual labor every day and my sunscreen got borrowed a lot, and now I don’t have anything left of my favorite sunscreen. Ding ding abandonment and selfless love! If I was in the disciples’ place, I would have said the same thing: “Jesus, this is all I have! If I give up this food to feed someone else, I won’t have anything to eat!”
But the disciples chose to let Jesus have what little food they had (in faith, but I can imagine a little bitterness, too). He blessed it and gave it to the disciples to give to the crowd. Luke 9:17 tells us the end result: “They all ate as much as they wanted, and afterward, the disciples picked up twelve baskets of leftovers!” WHOA MAN!! All five thousand of the people in the crowd ate until they were full and then the disciples each received an entire basket of leftovers for themselves!!
In reading this, I realized that I don’t fully trust God to meet my needs; I feel like I have to take care of myself and meet my own needs or it won’t happen. But this story showed me a big, beautiful Truth: if I trust Jesus with the things in my life (aka the gifts He has already given me), He will multiply them to bless the people around me, and He will abundantly meet my needs – a whole basket of leftovers just for me!
The next day, the Lord brought me back to Luke 12. Jesus told His disciples, “Don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don’t worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and He will give you everything you need. So don’t be afraid, little flock. For it give your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom” (12:29-32). I don’t need to take what I need! God already knows my needs and He is going to provide for me; He is trustworthy.
A few days later He hit me with one more Scripture passage that wrecked me. Luke 18:18-30 is the passage about the rich religious leader who asked Jesus, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus asked him if he knew the Commandments, and the man eagerly replied that he had kept all of the commandments since he was young. I can imagine that he was very excited that his life-long rule-following was about to pay off in affirmation and commendation from Jesus (that’s exactly how I would have felt!). But Jesus said, “There is still one thing you haven’t done. Sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Ouch! Jesus told the rich religious leader, “In order to inherit eternal life, you must abandon the comforts and safety nets you cling to and follow me.” Jesus wanted all of him and He wants all of us, too. Jesus doesn’t want us to have nothing in life, He wants to be our everything. He doesn’t say, “Money is bad.” He says, “Love Me more than money; trust in Me more than money.”
I’m still trying to figure out what it is that Jesus is asking me to abandon. It was hard to realize that even though I left behind my plans for grad school and engagement, my family and friends, and the comforts of home, there are still comforts and safety nets that the Lord is leading me to abandon – even on the World Race where everything I own fits in two backpacks and I’m thousands of miles from home! There are still things in my life that I love more than Jesus. There are things in my life that I run to for comfort more than Jesus. There are things I trust in more than Jesus.
Jesus says in Luke 17:33, “If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.” I’m learning it’s high time to let my life go. Jesus is beckoning me into abandonment, brokenness, and dependence. There’s a promise of freedom on the other side and I’m learning I can trust God’s provision and promises.
Jesus told the rich religious leader to abandon his safety nets with the promise, “and then you will have treasure in heaven.” And when the disciples gave up their food for the five thousand, He provided them with a big ol’ basket of leftovers! Abandonment consistently leads to great, abundant reward. God is a good, good Father who delights to give good, good gifts to His children. So don’t be afraid, little flock!
Life update: Our time in Nicaragua is coming to a close! Crazy right?? We have had three weeks of ministry with CICRIN, during which my team went to battle in prayer, worked in the kitchen and on the grounds, and helped with end-of-school clean-up. For our adventure days, we went ziplining, swam in a volcanic pool, and this weekend we are exploring Granada and going volcano sledding!!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Our Thanksgiving was super special, because our entire squad got to be together for it. We ate a HUGE homemade American meal complete with ham, potatoes, mac and cheese, veggies, cornbread, and chocolate cake! The evening ended with one team, Daughter Zion, providing entertainment through a sock wrestling tournament. What’s that, you may ask? Two people wrestle to get each other’s socks off. I know, it’s awesome. Add it to the list of your family’s holiday traditions. It’s a good one 😉
We have one more week in Nicaragua for LDW (Leadership Development Weekend), and then we will be travelling to Panama! My team, Wild Fires, will be living and serving in Panama City with the Indian population doing home visits, outreach, church-planting, and school and church activities! WOOHOO! I can’t wait to tell you more about it!
Please continue to pray for me, my team, and my squad as we finish up in Nicaragua, travel to Panama, and serve in our respective ministries next month. Y’all are the best!
Love, Jess
