Here’s a compilation of the feedback and wisdom I am receiving and the lessons I am learning this month!
Feedback – these are things that my teammates have pointed out about me that I learned about myself through their observation, discernment, and calling higher:
- One of the first nights we were here, I stopped helping prepare dinner after being chastised for doing something incorrectly. After, one of my teammates told me she noticed me wilt at the chastisement and encouraged me to never isolate myself, shut down, or walk away when I’ve made a mistake or received criticism.
- I need to give myself grace (whoa – remember the word on my key??) as I am learning, growing, and even just living.
- I initially spoke Spanish with a prideful, boastful heart. One of my teammates called me out on it; I hadn’t even noticed.
- I was called higher by a teammate because I interrupt others when they are speaking, speak when someone else should be the one speaking, answer on behalf of others, and in general steal voices from others. This was a tough one to learn; I really hurt some of my teammates in this way and receiving this feedback was hard but so dang fruitful. I know that the root of this issue is not walking in my true identity in Christ and thirsting for attention and affirmation to fill the God-sized hole in my life.
- We has a whole team received feedback from within that we were coming home from ministry and going straight for our technology and devices and WiFi. This sparked a WiFi fast that has been really good for us as a team. It opened the door to a lot of good, hard conversations that first week.
- Feedback isn’t all constructive and hard and challenging! I’ve been commended for investing in “my people” at ministry, giving encouragement during our daily manual labor, and implementing feedback gracefully and intentionally.
Wisdom – these are things that wiser people than I have taught me/spoken into my current struggles:
- If it’s leading you into further dependence on the Lord, you’re doing it right.
- We all have flesh, soul, and Spirit. We choose which one we walk in. Walking in the flesh is natural and instinctive but reaps shame, hurt, isolation, and disconnection. Walking in the Spirit bears life, joy, healthy relationships, and intimacy. We get to choose daily, moment by moment, which part of ourselves we will walk in/live out of.
- Additionally, the flesh is dead. Jesus crucified it on the cross. It has been defeated, decimated, and destroyed. We still have old patterns from our flesh, but that is not who we are. We are our spirit: who God says about us, our truest self.
- When Michelangelo was asked how he made David, he responded, “All I did was chip away everything that wasn’t David.” There will be times throughout this journey when it feels like we are dying – and we are! But it isn’t us who is dying, just who we thought we were/who we used to be.
- God loves us just as we are, but He loves us too much to leave us the way we are.
- When people do or say things to me that make me feel unloved or unwanted, I can choose to:
- respond neutrally – choose to stand firm in my identity in Christ and not be shaken by those external circumstances;
- judge favorably – assume the best about people, especially if I don’t know the context that they are coming from, and assume that their intentions are pure and they didn’t intend to harm me (also, don’t forget: we don’t get to sit on the judgement seat!); and
- ask the Lord, “Where did that thought come from? Why did I assume that? What do You say to me in this circumstance? Who do You say I am?”
- Being in a “great place” does not mean having it all together, being perfect, or reaching completion. Being in a “great place” means we are bearing fruit! A lot of the time, it looks like the middle of the mess and the processing, but that’s a good place to be.
- Feedback thrives in trust and is disastrous without it.
- Healing prayer must come from a place of love and compassion for the person you are praying for; it must come from the same heart God has for that person. Healing prayer is asking for things to be on earth as it is in Heaven. It is dependent on our faith, and the result of the prayer (healing or no healing) should not shake our faith.
Lessons – things I am learning about God, myself, and life on this crazy, wild, transformative journey:
- Celebrate small victories! When learning new things or practicing a new discipline, celebrate the baby steps you’ve taken to your goal. I’ve been doing this with the discipline of waking up early to have a quiet time and the process of implementing feedback. It keeps me motivated and eliminates shame, discouragement, and perfectionism.
- I’m sensitive to sarcasm and joking. I think I’ve experienced too many instances of people using sarcasm or a joke to cover up what they really thought was true, so now I take sarcasm and jokes too seriously and get easily wounded by them.
- Month 1 Jess is good. I don’t need to fret over not being Month 12 Jess yet. Wherever-You-Are-In-Life-Right-Now you is good!! Don’t yearn to be someone you aren’t yet. Set goals, yes. Desire growth, absolutely. But be where you are right now. It’s a good thing; God has you in that place for a reason. He’ll get you to where you want to be and immeasurably more.
- Something about integrity. I’m still chewing on this one.
- Born-again. We are literally born again into the family of God. That makes us completely legitimate children of God. Wow that’s wild.
- “But seek first his kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33 – I have been praying for God to give me His eyes for His people (both in Guatemala and on my team) and mold my heart to love them the way He does. I came on the Race for the personal transformation, so my first week or so was very inwardly-focused and selfish. I am renewing my mind now to see others and see God’s Kingdom first; my engagement with those things will ignite the personal transformation I desire. Still a work in progress 🙂
- I added “learn to whistle” to my list of Month 1 goals. Wish me luck.
That’s all for now! I feel like I’m missing a ton of stuff; I’m learning and growing and changing every single day. The Race really is a petri dish of change. I can’t wait to share more with you at the end of the month!
To God be the glory for all of these wild things!
Love, Jess
