I’m sure some of my teammates have felt some or all of these as well but I decided to talk about the 7 phases of continuous, back and forth, mixed around emotions that I have been experiencing for the 6 weeks in between training camp and launch. These emotions happened more than at one time for a few days at a time.
1. Stressed- this was a different kind of stressed then I have had, but for some reason I felt like I didn’t have enough time to do anything and everything I wanted to do. Thoughts like “I didn’t spend enough time with my grandmas” or “its my last night in my parents house and I still can’t get any music downloaded on my iPod”. This is going to stink big time starting this trip without any music… another stress feature, I went into training camp not really making a big deal of my packing skills because in my head, camp was short term and I knew I could fix the problem when I got done, NOW I gotta figure this out and take what I absolutely need and want and that’s all I got for now.
2. Happiness/Excitement – there has been so many moments of “oh my gosh, I cannot wait to leave!” I am so excited for traveling and seeing new places. Meeting new people This is going to be SO COOL! Seriously we had to do some online training and the finance training was my favorite and I thought “man, I’m gonna be so awesome about budgeting and money when I get done on the race!”
3. Just a dream/unreal – this is weird, but sometimes I dream hard and I think they really happened so I’m just a weirdo and get reality mixed up with the fake business. I felt for a while, training camp never happened, its just a dream, the World Race is cool, but it’s not really going to happen. It was a good thought…
4. Sadness – there was for sure about three days worth of me getting inside my head and I could cry at any moment. Any thought could put me in tears, I cried the day we moved my piano out, because I sold it. It wasn’t the piano, I just been hit that morning like oh my gosh I’m leaving so soon! Having to say goodbye, missing people, things, stuff. I cried when I realize I only have 5 nights left to sleep at my parents house.
5. Unbelievable! – I thought, wow, this World Race is so beyond amazing. Just like the video says, “it will be the most rewarding and challenging year”. It’s so crazy that I AM DOING THIS! Not just someone I get to follow on social media and hear their stories but that is going to be me out there, living it up. Being there spiritually, physically, emotionally. I am GOING ON THE WORLD RACE! This will be an amazing year of my life!!
6. Nervousness/unsure – this falls under also with sadness with having to say goodbye, but also the unknown. Traveling, how will I do this, what will happen kind of questions. The experience I will gain, I have NO IDEA what God has in store for me. I don’t know what is going to happen in the next year. Just being excited but like unsure at the same time.
7. I don’t need to go/comfortable – when you’re sitting with your family, eating your favorite pizza, hanging out. It’s warm, comfortable, all your stuff is right where you need it. I thought “I don’t need to go on the World Race, I’m comfortable right where I am.” Then I remember, I gave up my apartment, quit my job (twice actually-worked another job for a month living in Wyoming) made it past training camp; I’ve made all the steps needed to move foward and launch into Route 3, C Squad route.
By the way I start my race on Friday. I will do more additional training in Georgia before I actually take off into Guatemala. I do know we will be in Antigua, we will be staying with ministry host, Luis and Mirella. I’ve heard that they are pretty amazing, and have ministry planned for us! I am excited, nervous, sad, and just a whole bucket of emotions! But doing what God has asked me to do – is not always going to be all joy and comfort. I love what my grandmother told me, “I feel that God has called you to go, I am sad, but we have to accept what the Lord has for you and I’m proud of you.”
