My friend and squad mate Madi wrote an amazing blog about exactly how I feel about saying goodbye to my normal I have know for the last year.
Thank you for letting me share this Madi!
I’m going to be honest with you, I just don’t want to write anymore. Not because I have run out of stories to share, or because God has stopped teaching and challenging me, but rather because I don’t want to face what’s coming…the END of the Race.
Writing about what I’m going through and my experiences requires me to be honest with myself about where I’m at…and right now, I’m at the end. Yes, I’m excited for the new beginnings, seeing my family and friends and getting to know them all over again (miss y’all so much it hurts!!!), Chick-fil-A, my parents’ home-cooked meals, to finally be able to drive myself around in a car (seriously, it’s insane how much I miss driving!), and words cannot begin to express how excited I am to not have to say goodbye to all my friends and a new culture I’ve fallen in love with just to head into an entire list of new unknowns every month.
But with that excitement comes much dread. I dread the idea of not seeing my squad mates at the end of every month. I dread moving into a place in life that there’s not a guarantee of having anyone in my life be witness to EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT. of my life. I dread the vague questions about the World Race like it wasn’t an entire year of my life. I dread leaving the culture of “strangers are just friends you don’t know yet” and going back into one where people work so hard to never have to talk to those around them. I dread the finality of arriving at a place with no definite time of leaving (that’s actually become a comfort to me to some extent).
In a nutshell, I dread saying goodbye to my “normal”. Yes, living out of a backpack, moving into a new country/living conditions/culture/etc. every 3 weeks, learning how to count to 10 in a different language, walking into a place not knowing if we’ll have beds and running water or sleeping in our tents inside to avoid bugs and using squatty-potties, not being able to read the menues at the restaurant, hearing multiple conversations happening around me without the ability to understand the language being spoken, and people being in my personal space and business has become normal. But with all that has come new cultures, new friends, new adventures, amazing opportunities, deep conversations, and TONS of memories! And I’m sad to see it coming to an end.
It’s been easier not to face these things. Plus, I didn’t want to just write a blog listing all the things I’m not happy about. And yes, I know that God’s got big things and that He’ll be with me through the transitions. But right now, I’m just not super excited. And I’ve finally accepted the fact that that’s okay.
