Flit flit flit flit
Whish whish
Dunk ding
Bark
Step step
Chitter chatter
Vroom a little
Slam
Rumble rumble rumble
Wooshhhhh
Tap tap
Faint gobble gobble
Pant pant pant
Eyes closed
But wide awake
Heart open
But pulling back
Pressing in deeper
Regretting it all later
But not really
Someday it will be good
How do you grieve
a memory you don’t remember
Coming to grips with
The signs everyone else saw
That’s not my identity
That’s not who I am
Still it’s a part of me
It explains who I’ve been
Can I run and hide yet
Can I stay in bed
Easier to cork the tears
Easier to hold it in
I asked to see a memory
But I didn’t want the truth
I wanted a light in the blank space
But I didn’t expect the flame to burn
It’s walking through a rose bush
The thorns hurt now
But when you get out
You turn around
To see all the blooms behind
You couldn’t see before
Here in the midst of the thorns
Standing still is most comfortable
Don’t breathe
Don’t turn
Tell yourself the view is great
Yet, you’re calling me out
One step forward
Push through each thorn
The bottom of the rose
Is not where the fragrance is
I have three reasons that keep me still
What if it’s not true
What if it hurts
What if I’m paving a path
To lead others through
My flesh wants to be stubborn
To refuse to walk this path
Over and over
Even if I’m bringing others to light
I don’t want to be burned
Every single time I walk it
I don’t want that calling
I didn’t ask for this
I wanted something less painful
Lambs ear, not rose bush
Then in the dark comes Katarina
Half my height
Speaks Bulgarian
Hand squeeze
Tug tug on arm
To look straight in my eyes
Five blocks together
Walking slug pace
Few words
But all the love
God knew I needed my hand held
Darn, we arrived
I have to let her hand go
A hug goodbye
Tears in the eyes
Now on through the thorns I must go
Rustle rustle
Snap snap snap
Brish brush
Rip
