I was scrolling through Instagram for the first time in awhile and I came across this photo:
It struck me but I didn’t know why. It just felt like it made sense even though I couldn’t explain it. As I went on with life, it kept popping in my head. I was frustrated – thinking, “why does this feel so important?” I got the feeling it had something to do with fundraising for the World Race. “But why?” “And what does it mean exactly?” “Why does it keep popping up?” Finally, I realized it was the explanation of my journey through these past months. Rather than a lesson, which is usually the case, God was putting this on my heart as an encouragement. I have had such excitement, happiness, comfort, and feelings of protection surrounding my thoughts and actions regarding fundraising, and now I understand how.
I somehow was implementing something like it says to in Proverbs 4:23 to “guard my heart above all else” from taking up bitterness, fear, and distrust in this case. Instead I was practicing a tool that would bring me joy and trust on the subject. That tool is the one Paul talked about in 1 Thess. 5:18– GIVING THANKS and that tool lead me to “keep my life free from the love of money and be content with what I have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’.” (Hebrews 13:5). I knew that no matter how much money I had ACCUMULATED, it wasn’t going to guarantee my way on this trip; me having $500 now was not a foretelling on how much I would have by launch or if I would make it to my goal. I could have steadily raised 16,000 and then not receive a penny more towards my $17,400 goal. Accumulation isn’t the tell-tale to success.
And on the journey these last months to raising my money jealousy, anxiety, and distrust found ways to knock on my door, I just didn’t pursue those thoughts any further. I found myself in the face of fear trying to win my emotions but instead of giving in I was remembering to “set my mind on things above, not on earthly things” (Colossians 3:2). Something that my attention had been brought to from previous Bible studies, multiple times, so much so I had to be like “Okay Jesus, I get it. I have a problem with worrying about earthly things” and that brought me to giving thanks in ALL circumstances of fundraising – even ones that make your gut churn with anxiety of the unknown future. I literally reminded myself of the support I did have and it made that support feel so plentiful. I had so much support, not all financially but people I rarely talk to stepping out and encouraging me, speaking kind words or just wanting to know more! And I counted those as blessings and not as merely tiny things in a much bigger goal I had to complete.
If we all knew we would make that money and go on this monster of a mission trip, then we would all feel at ease and be able to feel the JOY we have access to through Christ. And I’m not just talking about the “giddy” kind of joy. I’m talking about a complete feeling of being provided for that casts out all negative feelings and leaves room for you to enjoy the moments as they happen. So why can’t we just trust that God will come through in greater ways than we can imagine and concern ourselves with living out the fruits of the Spirit like joy? That joy is a Gift to us from Christ and I was able to live in it by actively searching for the things I can be grateful for. Not by comparing the money you have raised to your own budgeted plan or your peer’s achievements. My plans and my control aren’t what I want in life. God’s plan for my money coming in is far greater than any plan I can make up and completely different and unique than anyone else’s way. So comparing isn’t an accurate gauge on my fundraising progress. I just have to lean into trusting Him when I can’t make sense of how the plan is going so far. Even when my account only had $150 in it for a while I can trust God’s timing right here right now and not lean on a number for satisfaction and comfort. And it proved to be true as the people I had been meeting and telling about this awesome prompting for the World Race began to show up on my donation lists and began praying for me. This habit that I am learning – to acknowledge the good and not focus on the lack of something has made my trust in the Lord grow all the more than when I started on this journey to spread love and compassion. And this is in just one area of my life! I think a great question to ask to align your intentions instead of fuel your insecurities is: if the money doesn’t come in and this trip doesn’t happen, will it change my relationship with God? Because if I say that God has the control and I trusted with my whole heart, and this trip doesn’t happen, I am still all the more closer with the God that saved my life and planned it all from the beginning. And how could that be a failure by any measurement? And that is the closest/strongest relationship I want in my life even if it isn’t quite yet there yet because of my imperfections. So what do you have to lose?
“The access point to joy is not accumulation but gratitude”.
Hopefully not but if you are feeling particularly vulnerable, or downtrodden, or you just can’t seem to find that “joy” the Bible is always talking about, I hope you will let this little phrase resound in your heart and head. Thank you, Jesus, for the appreciation you have taught me throughout my fundraising and giving me an explanation to encourage others with!
“All this for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
– 2 Corinthians 4:15-18
TTFN, Jenny
** Title of this blog is from Rend Collective’s Song**
