Self discovery has always been one of my favorite things. I’m that girl who takes personality tests for fun. At this point i’m pretty sure I’ve taken the Myers Briggs at least 30 times (even though it’s the same every single time). I am enamored with how God created each person so uniquely. Each one of us connects with Jesus and the world in really different ways, which is simply amazing. The biggest reason I loved all squad month is because I had the coolest conversations with people about life, themselves, and their relationship with the Lord. Some people connect with Him in watercolors and other forms art, others in alone time, some find Him in people, service, and other abstract and diverse ways.
One day at ministry, my squad leader, Mason, and I were talking, and he helped me realize something- I deeply value authenticity. If there isn’t any depth or connection, I don’t feel like it’s real. After discovering this, I started to look back on all my relationships, specifically with the Lord. When I wasn’t connecting with Jesus, I would try to read my Bible more, pray more, go to church more, have better conversations, try to be good, and on and on. But on the other side of all those things, I just got more and more frustrated with the lack of depth and affection I had for my Father. I felt like I was missing a vital part of who Jesus even is, and the reality is, I was! Those things are only good when they help you encounter the beauty of who Jesus is and what He did. For me, all those things turned into a list and then that list turned into a need for approval. It was more about what people thought of me instead of what Jesus thought of me. But I’m learning that I encounter Jesus and understand who he really is at my lowest- not when I’m putting my best foot forward. When I approach the throne stripped of my pride and false identity, I encounter the tenderness and depth of the Father’s love for me. Discovering more and more of who I am has been really fun and the world is starting to make a lot more sense! But the flip-side is that it’s also really hard. At the end of the day, I’m a broken and sinful human and have lived in a world that is dark and lost. However, the beauty that I’m encountering is simply this- Jesus. He came because I am broken. He came to save me by His grace. If the Lord sees my brokenness and loves me anyways, I have to do the same with myself and others. It’s a marvelous freedom, and I’m still discovering what it looks like to walk in it. Another one of my squad leader gave me the image of mountain when I’m processing these things. Right now, I’m climbing up some big mountains and reaching the top has an amazing view. But at some point, I have to choose to go down and start climbing another bigger mountain for an even better view.
I continue to praise the Lord for being created in His image and allowing us all to carry a part of Himself. I’ve always loved connecting to people, but this has been a really cool season of finding new and creative ways to encounter and connect with Him. A beautiful quote that was shared with me from St. Augustine: “Grant, Lord, that I may know myself that I may know Thee.”
