Our time in Malaysia was DRENCHED in Holy Spirit y’all. It was another “ATL” month (Ask the Lord) which means we had no set ministry but we pray into the month and go where we feel the Lord is leading us.
Team W.o.W. was reeling from our time in Nepal, another ATL month, where God lead us to the perfect place and people that needed His love. We flew into Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and we were confident that God was going to do it again. We had no contacts, no ministry, and no leads, so we booked a Airbnb and started praying! At first it was just going to be a few days, then it turned into a few more, a few more, and we ended up spending the whole first week in Kuala Lumpur. We spent a lot of intentional time talking and praying with the Lord and we got a whole mix of verses, phrases, images, and more from Him. We came together and each shared different phrases or pictures or symbols that the Lord gave us during our prayer time.
We got a lot of things, but the one that I will share with you that I got is the phrase “Beauty for Ashes.” I got this phrase and immediately assumed that God would lead us to a group of women that we could minister to. Beauty for Ashes on the World Race is women’s ministry and Meredith, our raised up squad leader, is our Beauty for Ashes coordinator. I got excited when I received that word because Meredith was with us that month and I felt that maybe God was going to provide a way to do the Beauty for Ashes curriculum. It took a while for me to figure out what God actually meant.
All of our listening prayers lead us to Penang. We booked the cheapest hostel and had some possible opportunities for ministry awaiting us there with a thrift shop, a homeless shelter, a YWAM base, etc. We ended up getting to the island of Penang in the city of Georgetown at 2am after a TERRIBLE travel day. And when we arrived that late in the night, we soon realized that we had booked a party hostel. Everyone was drunk, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes filled the air, and all of us immediately felt uncomfortable. Some of us felt triggered from past pains and sins and my sarcastic thoughts to God as I was going to bed a few days before my birthday was “Happy Birthday from God! We are going to relive your depression! WOOO!”
The next day was filled with my team trying to find a ministry outside of the hostel. We visited the homeless shelter, we stopped by the thrift shop, we contacted YWAM… door closed, door closed, door CLOSED! We spent most of our time outside the hostel and going to coffee shops and doing more research for other ministries and suddenly all of this came to a halt when God used my teammate Grace to speak to us.
“You guys, I think it is pretty clear where our ministry is this month. EVERY door is closing and I don’t think it was an accident that we booked this hostel.” Grace shared the perspective that it was heartbreaking to watch us choose out of the hostel and this party scene because it made us uncomfortable. She opened up about her past in the party scene and that she saw her past self in these people who chose this lifestyle and God wouldn’t want us to give up on them like He didn’t give up on her. Here we were researching how to get out of the very place God wanted us to be.
So, we chose in.
We hung out late into the night (as much as we could), we sat and took part in conversations that might make us uncomfortable, and we built relationships and became friends with some really wonderful human beings. We shared fun and sweet memories with strangers from all over the world that soon started to feel like family. We watched the World Cup with them, went to beach, shared meals together, and got to know each other and our dreams. It sometimes became overwhelming to me, though, how dark I felt that place was and how you COULD look at people who are so deep into that lifestyle and see it as hopeless. We would have wonderful conversations in the early afternoon or evening and feel like we were making a difference, but then fall asleep to them getting drunk again that night.
One afternoon my team was headed off to meet with our new missionary friends we met through my moped accident (the Boyds), but I felt it deep in my spirit that I needed to stay back; that God had a divine appointment for me. So, I grabbed my iPad and my journal and just decided to sit in the common area and wait for this divine appointment that God had. Soon enough a sweet and beautiful friend of mine came in and laid down on the couch across from me. I watched her as her wheels were turning in her head and she was really processing or struggling through something. I simply asked if she was okay and the tears started to flow. She didn’t share anything but I came to her side and just asked if I could pray for her, even if she didn’t believe in it. She nodded and I prayed a covering of peace and protection, that God would show His love to her and while I was praying I hear “She is feeling My love, through YOU.” And then I started crying.
Later a group of guys circled around and no shocker here, started talking about sex; and what that looks like as a Christian and what are the “rules.” They were testing the system to see if they could find any loop holes. I then did my best to share God’s intentions for sex and how the world and it’s evil has perverted it. I explained that it wasn’t about necessarily the action but the heart, that God intended sex to be a beautiful thing for unity in marriage and evil has taken it and twisted it into adultery, pornography, masturbation, lust, and whatever other sexual immorality action there is. They were absolutely silent- I could tell I had their attention.
Then, I decided to be bold and vulnerable and share about my own struggle with lust throughout my life and their jaws DROPPED. They were baffled at my boldness and lack of shame to share and I explained how God had redeemed it and taken my sin and shame on the cross and that I can now share openly, helping others through their own struggles. They all kind of awkward nodded their heads and showed their respect that I shared, much less a WOMAN who shared.
Now, when I was thinking of a divine appointment for this day, I did not think it was going to be me talking about sex with a group of guys. But, you never know what God has in store!
I loved the stories that our team shared throughout our weeks there about the conversations and the interactions we had with the people at the hostel. I wrote them all notes throughout our time there; just small encouragements of what I saw in them and how God sees them. I saw their perception of Christians soften. They spoke highly of us to others, they shared how my notes made their day, and they noted the difference in how we treated others- learning their names, looking them in the eye, and really listening to their hearts.
My favorite interaction I had was with a spectacular human being, let’s call her Rose. The first few nights we were at this hostel, I watched night after night Rose getting blackout drunk. It broke my heart to watch people carry her to the couch every night as she passed out. I watched her throughout her days sitting in the same spot and smoking all day and I felt my own pain that I went through last year in my depression- a lack of hope, a lack of purpose; waking up and just sitting and doing nothing all day and then numbing the pain somehow at night. That was me and my heart broke.
God put it on my heart to write encouraging notes for people at the hostel, she was one of the first that came to mind. I wrote her a note and maybe the next morning I decided to spend some time in the common room and write a blog. The second I sit down and open my iPad, she makes a beeline for me and says “Let’s chat.”
I looked stunned at first. “Oh! Okay! Cool yeah!” And I stumbled to grab my stuff and follow her outside. I did next to NOTHING and there she was sharing her story with me and opening up about where she was in life. She shared about depression and her lack of purpose and finding no fulfillment in smoking all day and drinking all night. I sat there stunned that God has opened up the perfect opportunity for me to share my own story with her. I told her I was in her same spot not to long ago- depressed, alone, and numbing the pain every night and how hard it was for me to make the decision to quit my job, move in with grandma, and commit to getting better. I shared about counseling, asking people for help, but ultimately how my healing came from calling on the Lord.
And right there a sweet friendship developed. She lit a cigarette and we continued to share our story, our struggles, our dreams and hopes, and everything else in between. I put my hands on this beautiful woman and prayed for her and felt God’s deep and endless and extravagant love for her. We both cried and right there amongst the smoke and ash of cigarettes … beauty.
I blinked my tears away in wonder.
“Beauty for Ashes.” God made beauty out of the ashes and I wept for His goodness to me and to my new friends at this unexpected party hostel. I left that place so amazed at how much God loves those people and how He used me to shed a little light and truth into their life. I was so uncomfortable at first, but so thankful in the end.
God is so so SO good.
A few days later, my friend Rose decided to leave the party hostel and move back in with her parents and find help. She is currently writing and figuring out her next steps and wants to take tangible steps to help others who struggle with mental illness. We keep in touch and I’m so thankful for her friendship. I see God working in her life and how much He loves her and sees her in her struggle.
God sees YOU in His struggle, my friends. And although you might find yourself in a hopeless situation, He is making beauty out of the ashes.
All my love,
JJ
