Lizards. Everywhere.
If you don’t know me at all, let me tell you one of my worst fears: reptiles. Yes, even the cute little turtles that y’all love. Can’t do ‘em. Don’t ask me how this fear started or where it originates from cause I have NO idea, it’s just a thing (similar to my fear of injury stories and people touching my neck [I know, it’s all weird]).
A long time ago in 2016 when I started thinking about going on the World Race I decided to take the little quiz they have on their website to see if I would be a good fit for the crazy year-long trip (If you want to take the quiz yourself, check it out here: https://www.worldrace.org/quiz/ ). I took this cute little quiz and basically passed it all but in the end, World Race says you will encounter many reptiles on the race and if you have a huge fear of them, you might want to really take that into account. World Race alum say you will encounter many lizards, snakes, iguanas, the whole shebang while on the race. Well, dang it. Guess I can’t go! -__-
Lies. Everywhere.
God called me and I still went on the race.
Hey God, remember that panic attack I had coming back from that hike in Austria when there was a snake on the road? Or remember when I was in Thailand and while we were eating dinner a bunch of geckos were crawling on the ceiling and I just started crying? Remember when I decided to just sit in the hotel than join my team at the snake exhibit? Or that time in Costa Rica when I embarrassed myself running in the water away from an iguana? Or what about that nightmare I had about a snake in my dorm room and then having to crash on the couch in the study room the rest of the night? Do you need me to keep going? No? You remember? And you’re still having me go? Cool cool cool cool cool. Yeah yeah yeah.
So here I am… in the middle of Haiti… doing ministry like I’ve always dreamed of! Buuuuut it’s alongside dozens of lizards every day. I’m in the classroom with the preschoolers at snack time- lizards. I’m helping sort homework and supplies after school- lizards. I’m looking out the window at the beautiful Haiti sunset and a lizard wants to suddenly pop up on the screen at give you a heart attack during a sweet moment. Or how about when I’m showering, yes SHOWERING and it decides it wants to be in the stall and stare at you like a creepy stranger and make you feel uncomfortable like you can’t shower without being judged. LI- ZARDSSSSS. Just all. the. time. And once I see a lizard I become paranoid for the next hour looking around my shoulder and flinching at any little movement.
The other day I was sent to a classroom where it seems the lizards have decided to make their party house. It’s the room where we give food to the kids, so —> flies so —> lizards. You get the picture. Well, I was put in charge of decorating the classroom and it seemed like every which way I went, I lizard wanted to come and watch.
“Oh geeeeez there’s a lizard in this corner, let me just glue the maps on the other side of the classroom.”
“Oh crap, there’s 2 lizards here, ahhhh okay I can just glue the solar system in the other corner.”
“Oh come on! Here too? I guess I can glue the numbers in the middle post. Oh my goodness gracious they are coming from the ceiling.”
“Oh my gosh they are multiplying. What is this Spider Man 2?!”
And then they were surrounding me and what seemed like my worst nightmare started to take place. On the walls, on the ground, coming from the ceiling. No way out. I’m backed up against a wall and my only weapon is a case of Elmer’s glue against a dozen lizards. Not ideal.
Y’all may laugh but this is legitimately what I said out loud: “Oh sweet Jesus. Come quickly to my side.” ??????
And pretty quickly, I might add, one of the children comes into the room calling my name ever so timidly. She’s holding her newly returned homework and looking closely at her, I can see tears in her eyes. Yet she has no idea she is walking into my own irrational battlefield. She starts to cry and without hesitation, I march over the lizards, through my ridiculous little war zone and end up at her side. I use my broken Creole to ask her what’s wrong and although I can’t make it out, I do my best to console her, wipe away her tears, tell her she is beautiful and try to make her laugh. I marvel at her homework with blue stars and stickers all over it. “Bravo, Bel!” (Good job, beautiful!) I exclaim over and over again and suddenly, in the midst of ministry, I totally forget about my “worst nightmare” and just see God’s child and the need in front of me.
Love. Everywhere.
We dance a bit in the empty classroom after class as we wait for the bus to arrive. She understands almost no English but I say “Just had a little bit of a freak out with some ugly green creatures before you arrived but it’s totally fine.” On our way out we grab her things, coincidentally by a few lizards (surprise surprise), and I watch a lizard set his sights on a fly, back up and wiggle in an attack-ready position, and then pounce and devour the pour insect in seconds.
I laugh. “You alright” I say as we step out the door.
I almost wanted to exclaim “NOT TODAY SATAN!” in triumph. I see Jesus in my worst fears!
The lizards are still around, they don’t go away. They like to join me in my walks to get my laundry off the line or when me and my friends are doing workouts on what seems like their territory. They definitely still freak me out when I’m showering. But they also show up during my quiet time with the Lord and it’s more of a smile than a cringe that time.
And because just now my friend Tayler read over my shoulder the first line of “Lizards. Everywhere” and thought I was writing a letter to lizards everywhere, I’ve decided to do just that.
To Lizards Everywhere,
You will not keep me from ministry! You will not be a roadblock to the gospel. You may be a silly, stupid fear that I’ve carried for years, but that’s all you will be. Similar to my fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being unwanted, fear of stepping out my comfort zone, fear of vulnerability, and many more that I walk in, you will not be a hindrance to what God is going to do through me. God’s children feeling His love and knowing His truth trumps any distance I may want from you. If you want to help me spread the gospel that’s cool! I’m fine with that! Tell the rest of your reptile friends! I also do appreciate you getting rid of those nasty flies though; no complaints there.
Definitely not truly yours, but like a distant stranger who awkwardly smiles at you,
JJ
