Lately the Lord has been pulling near to me in my groaning and complaining and showing me a perspective His glory.
It normally goes something like this:
Me: Ugh, another cloudy day.
God: But look at my light shining through the clouds. Or the color of leaves on the ground.
Me: My goodness, will it ever stop raining?!
God: But listen to my creation dancing on the roof and singing for you.
Me: It is such a hassle to leave the house all the time when people view the house for sale.
God: But look at all this extra time you get to spend with your mom.
Me: Gosh, God, this lunch is going too long, I need to get back and do work.
God: But listen to the laughter of these three men that you adore.
Me: Sheesh, it is so late and I am tired and need to go to bed.
God: You will never have another moment like this, with your family, in this house, treasure it.
Me: Lord, why this pain?
God: For without it, they wouldn’t know my intimate joy.
I am drawing near to my Creator in a spirit of thankfulness. So Lord, I am thankful.
I am thankful for the sound of my dad singing worship songs throughout the house.
… for the sound of my mother’s laugh downstairs watching her favorite show.
… for pillow fights with my little brother.
… for memories made over a burrito bowl at chipotle.
… for late nights of prayer for those in my life that are hurting.
… for tea amongst friends while studying theology.
… for fireside talks with my mom.
… for slow walks with my weary dog on her last leg of her full life.
… for Facetimes with best friends a thousand miles away.
… for brothers that ask me for dating advice.
… for Your mercies, like this, new every morning.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving, the day where around the nation people sit down and say what they are thankful for. I spent this “Day of Thanks” either on the bathroom floor, over the toilet or in the ER, getting fluids from dehydration. I found it ironic that the worst case of the stomach flu would come and visit on Thanksgiving. I missed out on dinner, missed out on laughter, missed out on family movie tradition, and missed out on any normal obvious joy I would get from such a day. But the Lord always always always teaches me about joy (probably one of the requirements for it being a part of my name).
He has been growing in me a spirit of thankfulness is all the hard areas. My brother is in pain, yet he whispers to me all His mercies He has already given him. My family suffers a loss, but He shows us hope in the mourning. We hear more bad news, but He gives me His perspective in the growth that we will face. This might have all been preparation for what would happen to me on Thanksgiving Day 2017.
I was in so much pain, vomiting more than my little body could take, and physically unable to stand because of severe dehydration. And in those moments of curled up on the bathroom floor, pleading to the Lord to end my agony, what do you think He reminds me of?
His joy. His mercies. Seen everywhere all around me.
And so, I started to give thanks.
I’m thankful that I am in the comfort of my own home.
… for a bathroom not far from my bed.
… for a loving mother who pulls my hair back.
… for a giving brother who carries me downstairs so I can be a part of Thanksgiving in some way.
… for a dog who curls up next to me while I’m in pain.
… for the ability to have a hospital and doctor to go to.
… for the beautiful moon outside during the drive to the ER.
… for the moments of laughter with mom in the hospital room.
… for Your mercies, like this, everywhere.
It has now become my favorite hobby to do- looking for ways in which to find God’s mercies. To find the joy in the hard times. It was definitely not easy. I almost couldn’t do it. I almost didn’t. Almost became angry. It was pretty physically painful for me and to look past the pain and see the good is a struggle. It’s a lot easier now that I am in recovery.
And this all may be His mercy in preparing me for the struggles of the World Race. How cool that God can use a simple thing like the stomach flu to show more of Himself to His children.
This Thanksgiving God had a different way of helping me be thankful, but I have more joy in the morning because He got me through the pain of the night.
All my love,
JJ
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