In high school, I ran. If you even remotely knew me, you were aware of that. I loved it, and I loved my teams. I did spring/ winter track, but cross-country was always my favorite. Something about exploring skinny dirt trails with your friends until your guts wanted to fall out was just the best. I am confident in saying that I will be running for the rest of my life.
I say loved it, and I did. But race days and I used to have a rocky relationship. From the start of everything, our coach used to put me in the big girl races, aka championships, (surprising, I know). Freshman year, I would get so nervous before that I would have to throw up at start lines before the gun went off. It gradually got better; senior year I was used to everything and had to be the one to calm down puking freshies, but you could say I used to get in my head.
There was this one race. Adidas, wolf pack, whatever you wanted to call it- that we all loved. It was hosted by NC State and was the best course we ran all year by far. The only thing was that there was this hill. Probably half a mile long, that we had to run twice. Once during the second mile and another time up to the finish line.
I have ran this hill 8 times in my life and I can tell you that hill didn’t look so bad but in reality was the stuff of cross country nightmares. Especially the second time. I have such vivid memories of trudging out of the woods and looking up at the crowds, my dad on the side yelling that I only had about three minutes left until I could breathe!!!! In that moment, every cell in my body knew that getting to the clock was all that mattered.
Our coach, Dave, used to say the faster you run the faster you’re done. Some years I clung to this thought for dear life and passed every girl in front of me with energy I didn’t even know I had inside me. Other years, I would look upward and cry inside, and my goal would be to simply to make it up that grassy homestretch to the top. Last year, I ran adidas on the day I turned seventeen. I think I was subconsciously mad about this, so I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t try my hardest.
No matter what time I would come away with, that race was always my favorite – and the most stressful. So this morning, when I thought all my little kiddos running in that race today, it was bittersweet. I sent them all the good thoughts I could think of and all the luck I knew they would need.
But me, I woke up at about 5 am on the rooftop of our house to my Cambodian neighbors singing in Khmer, and went running with a couple other people through town. I ran down the dirty streets of Battambang at a nice relaxed pace, soaking everything in and, let me tell you, I was so thankful, that this morning, I was where I was!! Not to be lacing up my spikes and getting in my own head just as I had on this day for the last four years. Thankful that I was running in 10000 degree weather and that my feet were halfway across the world instead. As I realized the freedom I felt in that, I knew my feet were exactly where they were meant to be.
Thirty seven minutes later, i walked through the door with some scrapes. Naturally, I had fallen. I could also tell that I was for sure out of shape (thanks summer 2017). I could tell that I was dehydrated. But really, I had conviction, confidence, an epitome, whatever you wanna call it- that the Lord is faithful! He placed me here. This is His world and I’m just along for the ride, or the run I guess, to share His goodness and love that I know and see daily !
Romans 10:15 “…How beautiful are the feet of those who bring the good news!”
There’s a certain reassurance in knowing that God does not call the qualified but qualifies the called. Jesus and His faithful love is such a beautiful thing in this life. This verse seems relevant. Today I was reminded I know if we all look hard enough we can find beauty in things as simple as dirt roads .
Oh and lastlyyyy- So birthdays are not celebrated in Cambodia. Lol. But I’m eighteen today so if yall feel like you want to show a little love please feel free to donate !!
I know this was overly long. It’s a habit, Ill do better:)
Much love,
~ i
