For one of my english essays for school at the beginning of the year, the prompt was, “Some students have an identity, an interest, or talent that defines them in an essential way. If…”. Thinking back, I remember trying to pick out the biggest and most impressive thing that has happened in my life but soon realized I viewed my life as normal and insignificant. And indeed, my life here on earth is that! Regardless, I still had to write this essay. I decided to go ahead and put the paper on here:
Extravagant Heart
Through the years of learning more and more about myself, I have developed a sense of what my strengths and weaknesses are. It is very important for growth to be able to determine what you are good at and what you might need to work on. For a long time, I thought that I had to make huge gestures and adventurous decisions to have an eventful life. I have come to realize that doing extravagant things are not what truly make a person extravagant.
When I was volunteering at a disabilities camp in Serbia, camp Joni and Friends, I was chosen to watch over two twin girls. Lana, who had down syndrome and Nina her sister who was a typical child. I felt disabled myself because I couldn’t even communicate with her or Nina, for I did not speak Serbian. When the leader introduced me to the 5-year-olds, they were very sweet and I embraced them the second I told them my name. They had given me a warm welcome but I did not know if they would understand that I could not verbally communicate with them. The children continued to talk to me in Serbian and I would respond with a smile or laugh and they would just run off and play some more so I thought things were going well. Then, Lana ran over to me, looking at me very frantically. She began spluttering unknown words at me over and over again. I responded with “Šta,” meaning “what?” somehow hoping that would help to solve the problem. It didn’t. She began getting angry at me, with a desperate look in her face, attempting to get her point across better. Thankfully, my friend Sara, who does speak Serbian, came over because she heard Lana talking to me. Sara proceeded to tell me that she had needed to go to the restroom that entire time. I rushed her to the restroom, feeling that I had no way to apologize to her for not understanding. For the rest of the day, Lana and Nina seemed to resent me and I felt that I needed to become more equipped to the Serbian culture. I spent that night memorizing a few words and phrases that would come in handy for working with these two girls. The next day was not much better than the last. The girls kept trying to talk to me but I wouldn’t know how to respond; when I did attempt to use the small amount of Serbian I learned, I would pronounce something wrong or they wouldn’t understand what I meant. By the end of the week, I was exhausted and a little disappointed because I felt my help had been ineffective. Before the girls and their family left for their homes, the two petite girls ran over to me to give me one last goodbye hug. As they left, both of them shouted “Volim te!” I smiled and waved back at them, even though I had not understood. As I walked back inside the building, my friend Sara was standing there getting ready to leave too so I decided to ask her what those two words in Serbian meant. They meant “I love you.”
I learned that going halfway across the world to serve the Lord was not extravagant, I was simply following what He was asking me to do, and I was happy to follow His voice. What ended up making this trip so memorable was how much it transformed my life. It was not how helpful or effective I could have been with the children at the camp but feeling, seeing, and hearing what it could be like to have some type of disability was really life changing. This showed me the impact someone can have on a person who can’t even understand you. I feel like I experienced something extravagant because I affected someone’s heart and that experience affected mine.
Looking back at this essay, I am just so overwhelmed with how much love Jesus shares with me. I was not only loved by these two sweet little girls, but I loved every aspect of the adventure. I found Jesus in the “good” and the “bad.” I don’t want to discover my life because it is not mine; I want to find who Jesus is and search for how Jesus is revealing himself to me. I want to feel His warm embrace towards His daughter. I am so honored to be called His daughter, it brings me tears to realize that Jesus has claimed me as His daughter; what joy!
With all of this being said, Jesus specifically asked me to use the verse below for my t-shirts because He loves me!
He said to them, “go into all the world and preach the gospel.” Mark 16:15
Using the context, Mark 16:14 talks about how the disciple’s had a lack of faith because they did not believe that Jesus had truly risen from the dead. People were so obviously telling them this truth to their faces but they still did not believe. This is so important to me because I do the exact same thing. I get taught the same lesson over and over and over again yet my heart is still hardened. My pastor on Sunday said that a hardened heart should be interpreted as “people are going to sin.” I am a sinner. I am imperfect. I am human.
As Mark 16:15 says, Jesus still wanted them to preach the gospel to His people! Jesus knows that everyone sins but He uses these imperfections for His glory. He still loved them despite their sinfulness. And, He still loves me despite my sinfulness.
He is my love!
P.s. this picture perfectly captures my imperfectness. I had painted this globe months before I was even considering the world race and then last week I added the verse. No explanation needed, just look for incorrect spelling…
