I don’t know.
The sentence “I don’t know” is probably used about 20 times a day. I have come to learn and realize that there is a beauty in not controlling and micromanaging everything that happens in a day or even in the present moment. On the World Race you don’t always know what is going on or what you will be even doing 5 minutes to an hour from now; but that’s okay! You learn to let go of your expectations and control and go with the flow!
God says, “Hannah, just relax and slow down because I don’t want you to miss out on what I have for you today.”
I have grown so much in dependence in Him and giving Him the control over the little and big decisions throughout my day. He has shown me how important it is to be still with Him. For when we are still with Him we grow in intimacy with the Father, which results in an increase of awareness of His Spirit moving in our lives and those around us.
You see, God is always with us and willing to speak to us. Most of the time He is just waiting for us to shut up and listen! I have been so convicted of this… Back at home I remember asking the Lord for a sign or guidance on a decision I had to make and I would never really sit still with Him or listen to the Holy Spirit. I just made my own decisions when I thought God wasn’t listening or going to give me a clear path to take. But in reality He was always there pointing and yelling at me with a gigantic neon sign saying, “HEY I LOVE YOU MY DAUGHTER LISTEN TO ME AND TAKE THIS PATH!” (Yelling in love of course, I like to think God has a sense of humor ;))
I don’t ever want to miss out on an opportunity to bless and encourage someone; to speak truth to someone or to interact and give my undivided time to
someone, because in the moment they just really needed a friend.
This year will come to an end at some point. I don’t want to look back and think “Well dangit I should have spent more time with God,” or “Man, I wish I was more invested in my ministry and really gave it my all for Christ.”
Again, I have learned that the phrase “I don’t know” isn’t all that bad, because I know the One that does know. He is all
Knowing and powerful and when I come to Him with a humble heart and open hands He will speak through me. Not for my glory, but for His.
When you show up to a youth service and find out that you have to have something prepared, it’s okay. Take a second, breathe, and then turn to the Lord and ask Him to show you what He wants to you to talk about. (And yes this did happen to me the other day). It’s funny, because I do remember asking Him to use me and telling Him that I want to do the hard things for His name.
This past Saturday I came in to the church with a prepared condensed version of my testimony for the college students that we are ministering to this month and I quickly realized that the service was actually a children’s service… uh what… ?! Panic soon flooded in and I honestly wanted to yell/cry. In my humanness I wanted to be prepared and have things go MY way, but no, God always knows what is best! After having a mini panic session and pity party for myself I reminded myself that stressing about the fact that I didn’t know I had to have something prepared is not going to do me any good. I still have to go up there in like 10 minutes so I better come up with something fast.
Linds, like the sweet and amazing person she is, gave me her iPad to use for the service. I quickly turned to the Bible app and the first page that came up was Ephesians 6:10-20, which was on the full armor of God. Immediately I knew the Holy Spirit was making it clear to me that that is what He wanted me to speak on. I also previously felt the Lord calling me out to encourage someone in putting on the full armor of God everyday, so it was pretty cool seeing how everything was tied together and orchestrated by God. I decided to talk about something in my testimony and then tied it together with the story of David and Goliath. I encouraged the kids that no matter what they are facing God is with them and will give them the strength to get through it! I also taught them about the armor of God and had all the kids physically act out putting on all the pieces of the armor of God on themselves. It was so fun!
During the whole time I had so much peace and I knew that He was speaking through me, because there’s no way on earth that I could have done that by myself. God is so good and faithful! When you make yourself available to Him He WILL use you in mighty ways and ask you to do the hard things. BUT the cool thing about it is that God isn’t going to leave you high and dry.. He is with you every step of the way and will speak through you! He will turn your weakness into strength when you are giving Him the glory!
March 24th, 2018 was another crucial day for me. It was another big step into relying and trusting in God. I know that I can come to Him for anything about anything and He is right there to raise me up by His power for His name! (1 Cor 6:14)
You are loved,
Hannah
