Pressure
She honestly looked out of place, and the more that I think about it the more I think she might have been Jesus in disguise. My team had been killing time for our afternoon ministry by prayer walking a park, and had each sat on our own bench to pray. Her little Cambodian food cart was set up right in front of where I sat, and after smiling at me, she hobbled over in her wedges and big gold earrings and plopped down next to me. I don’t speak any Khmer, and her English was pretty limited, but we were able to manage a decent amount of small talk. She pulled me towards her cart with a smile and tried to teach me the Khmer words for the chicken and eggs. I helped her wrap some plates. A few more awkward smiles, and I asked her if she knew who Jesus was. She didn’t understand, and I frantically racked my brain for phrases I’d heard used that had anything to do with God. I settled for asking if I could pray for her, and begged God that he would send someone behind me that could explain the hope we have offered to us because of his sacrifice. As I walked away I realized
no one’s coming.
The chances of anyone who spoke English and loved the Lord ever finding that woman again were nearly impossible. That thought broke my heart, that she was actually hopeless and that there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
That’s pretty egotistical, isn’t it? To think that the Lord can only move because we go? He could have appeared to that woman in a dream that night, or maybe a missionary will visit her on her death bed. I had a well meaning friend tell me that she was expecting to hear more stories about healing or miracles by now, and honestly, yeah I was hoping for some of those too. But as soon as I focus on the pressure of saving the world or having enough faith to make miracles happen or not “wasting” these nine months by failing to “successfully” evangelizing someone to the gospel, I need to remember:
This year is not about cool stories. It’s a lesson the Lord has tried to teach me before, but it’s hard when I look at Instagram and see other squad’s posts or try to scrape together a fascinating and awe inspiring tale about how we rolled yarn all week for the people that supported me. This year is about me surrendering to the work the Lord HIMSELF had planned for me, not creating a return on investment for financial contributions.
So, in summary, I loved ministry in Honduras. We rolled lots and lots and lots of yarn, painted a few bathrooms, had a few dance parties with special needs residents, made pinatas for poverty stricken kids in the mountains, and befriended a very lonely widow from Virginia living in the Valle. Did I convince anyone of how crazy in love God is with them that he sent his son to die for them? No, but I helped a few members of the body who can and, I have faith, will, and I am totally satisfied with that my friends.
Now it’s almost time to head on to Guatemala! We roll out(get it?) for a short debrief during the first week of January.
Also, Christmas was very wonderful, hope your’s was too!!!
-g
