This is hard.
Last week was the first time I’ve so badly wanted to leave and go home.
This is so hard.
Called my mom for the billionth time crying about how much I hate it. The difficulty. I hate it with all I am.
Living with people you did not choose. Yet you have no choice BUT to live with them 24/7 because I signed up to live with them for NINE MONTHS of my life.
Why? I find myself asking why a whole freaking lot today.
Why when we went to this mans house, his name is Moses, for the 3rd time to see if he paid the voodoo priest back so he can finally start his new life with Jesus was he not there.
He had been on my whole teams heart and to come for the 3rd time for sure thinking something BIG was going to go down.
Instead we went to an orphanage where these children are skin and bones and sleep on thin sheets that separate them from the hard concrete at night. We had a great time but when we were praying before we left Taylor was to pray us out and when it was time, the rain was so loud no one could hear anything. Why??
Why when our team is going through such a hard time (or at least just me,I’ll speak for myself) and our team leader is not here physically to help ease tension??
Why?
Why am I writing this?
My whole entire life was one big lie for a loong time. Reflecting on that it is as clear as day I was a complete pathological liar.
I don’t want to lie to you. This is difficult.
I’m also not writing this for pity. Absolutely NOT.
I’m writing this because in God’s word, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, it says “rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”.
I read this, underlined it and was like heck yeah I’m gonna rejoice and pray and be thankful ALWAYS. Of course I was in a great mood at the time.
All circumstances.
I’m in quite a circumstance right now. I’m always in a circumstance and I must always be thankful because that is the God of the universes will for me.
The Lord spoke through my mom the other night reminding me of my selective obedience. With this exact verse that I didn’t tell her God showed me a few days before.
I’m so thankful He is so patient with me.
It is still very difficult and I’m so glad my Daddy is still very good.
I ask that you pray that I be fully obedient to Gods will for me. I will be praying this same verse over you who reads this right now.
Isaiah 66 don’t ask me what verse because I forgot but
For this is what the Lord says: I will extent peace to her like a river.
