A big part of the World Race is stepping into vulnerability. I feel like this blog series about my journey with identity is doing just that, sharing the uncomfortable and being honest about where I am and what God is revealing to me.
I don’t know how long this series will be because the crazy thing about God is that He will always have more to reveal; we are never “finished” growing. I simply want to invite you all on my identity journey as best as I can because I have a feeling that many people can relate to what I am experiencing. So here goes nothing!
Before leaving on the race, I genuinely believed I knew who I was. I came from a loving home and don’t remember a time when I didn’t believe in Jesus. I always knew that He loved me, and I accepted that love as best as I knew how. I never felt rejected, so that meant I was pretty solid in my identity, right?
Through wise counsel and so much grace from the Lord, light has been shone on this area of my life in the past month. I started realizing that I was actually completely wrong, and that, in fact, my identity rested very far from Him.
You see, I love people and I love to be around people. I have always been extroverted and I love building relationships. One of my top strengths is WOO, Winning Over Others, and I was always so proud of that. There’s nothing wrong with being a people-person; in fact, I think it’s a beautiful gift from the Lord. Where this turned negative is when I went from a people-person to a people-pleasing-person.
Ever since high school (and honestly probably even before that) I have found my identity in the approval and affirmation of other people far before I find it from God. I spend so much energy wondering what other people will think of me based on what I say or what I do or how I act. I seek to achieve perfection in every area of my life: academics, relationships, leadership. This leads to so much comparison of my life, my achievements, my actions to that of other people.
My eyes are constantly searching around me for approval while God is calling me to focus my eyes on Him only.
The moment God revealed this to me, it all clicked. I was able to see that I really did find my identity in people instead of in God. When I finally realized that all I simply had to do was seek the Lord’s face in every thought, every decision and word, I was overcome by so much peace. It doesn’t matter what other people think. All that matters is that I am living my life to bring Him glory. Oh, how freeing this revelation was!!
I am not called to have it all together.
I am not called to be the best in everything.
And I am certainly not called to be perfect.
I am called to simply live for the Lord and continuously turn my eyes towards Him.
Since beginning this journey, I have realized that even when I do step into something the Lord is doing in my life, it takes intentional dedication and perseverance to continue accepting what He is revealing. Many days I resort back to seeking out approval and affirmation from the people around me. I have to make a conscious decision to let go of perfectionism and focus my eyes on God alone.
“From the head to the heart, you take me on a journey of letting go and getting lost in you.”
Now that I know what I am not, I am excited for God to begin revealing what I am to Him. Stay tuned!
