I have found a strange power in admitting I am powerless. For possibly the first time in my life, I have given something completely 100% up to God. And for possibly the first time in my life, I have first-handedly experienced the amazing, mighty power He has.
About three months ago, I voiced my fears on a night where I felt as though everything was falling apart around me. I told God I was scared. Fundraising thoughts were haunting the back of my mind at all hours of the day. And in the three months since then, the Lord has provided me with $9,362.
The title of this blog is called “The Power in Admitting Powerlessness” and it describes to a tee the past three months of my life. Writing my last blog was a turning point for me. It was almost as though speaking those words and proclaiming those fears allowed me to hand them to God. I wrote in the blog, “In the next year, Emma, you are going to have to surrender things much bigger than fundraising to the Lord. Learning to surrender is not easy, but you are working on it and I am proud of you.” Looking back on those lines now I can see just how much truth the Lord was speaking into me through my writing. Writing the words down, proclaiming those positive truths, set me up for success.
The success I have found is not my own. I have done nothing, except for accepting that I am nothing and He is everything. I can do nothing and He can (and will) do everything. God gave me $9,362 in three months through me only sending out fundraising letters! How crazy is that?! I find it funny that I try to bottle God’s power into something tangible. My little human mind cannot even fathom how big He is and how strong He is. And then something like this happens, where I see how big His power is, that humbles me and reminds me I am nothing. In this season of my life, I have never felt so empowered by powerlessness. Knowing that God provides in both the big and small ways has liberated me of my chains of perfection and control.
Finding freedom in powerlessness has allowed me to embrace this new season of life, a period of change. My family and I are in a time of transition. This year has brought change to each one of our lives. For those of you who do not know, the Koestner family normally does not deal with change as positively as others. We like to have a plan and be in control. Finding the liberation from chains of control has given all of us a new power to enter this time with courage, knowing that He is bigger than we could ever imagine.
For my teammates, I am praying for each of you. What you are doing is incredible and your love for the Lord takes me aback every single day. I am grateful for each of you. Seek power in your powerlessness.
For my family, I love each one of you so much. The next year will be new, but look to Him for your power and joy. Change is hard, but you can do hard things.
For everyone who has supported me, thank you thank you thank you. I cannot say that enough. I would not be where I am today without each one of you taking the time to pray for me or donate to my trip. I am praying for you and your families.
In Christ,
Emma
