This blog is pretty different than most of my blogs so far, and definitely a lot more vulnerable. Jesus has recently wanted me to go back and think about some of the things I’ve walked through to show me where He was in all of it and how He used it. There was a period of my life where I struggled a lot with depression. I got to the point where I didn’t think life had meaning and questioned if there really was a point to it all. In the past few months, Jesus has placed multiple people in my life that are at this same point in their lives. He’s used me to shed light and His truths to aid in their healing process. But now I think He wants me to bring it to a larger scale. I hope this reaches some of you.
Dear 16 year old Em,
I kind of don’t know where to start. 16 sucked. Where you’re at sucks. I wish so badly that you could see just 2 years into the future. You’d hold onto hope a lot more and walk with your head a little higher. You wouldn’t worry so much and you’d believe people when they said that things get better.
Something you’re very used to is tough love and being pushed. The amount of times you’ve been told to stop having a pity party and to just get over it is insane. I know you don’t understand it now, but some good did come out of all that tough love. It cultivated your crazy good work ethic, determination and discipline. It shaped your character, and that character is going to open so many doors and get you so far. However, something you haven’t heard much that you need to understand is that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be sad and not love life and to just want a break. You don’t have to act like your life is perfect and that you’re full of joy 24/7. Accept that you’re feeling broken. That doesn’t make you weak, that makes you human.
What isn’t okay is thinking that life is meaningless and that your life is meaningless. This is the biggest lie I’ve ever heard. Just think about a few of the things you love – space and anatomy. The universe is incomprehensibly large, filled with hundreds of billions of galaxies and an almost endless number of planets. Yet, Earth is the one exception. It has the perfect conditions and is in the perfect placement to harbor life. That’s no accident. We were created to live. Simple as that.
Next – the human body. We were also designed so intricately, uniquely and perfectly to survive. Bear with me for a second and think about a fever, something so simple and seemingly insignificant at first glance. But think a little deeper. When bacteria gets into our body, pyrogens are produced in the bloodstream and send signals to the hypothalamus in the brain. The hypothalamus then causes body temperature to rise because bacteria can’t normally survive and reproduce in temperatures above 102 degrees Fahrenheit, and somehow our body knows this fact. Insane. Systems that we aren’t even consciously aware of are always working to keep us alive and functioning. God created our bodies with all these unique and ingenious survival and defense mechanisms in order to live. If life were meaningless, what would the point of all perfect designs be? Life matters. You matter. Seek Jesus out to know your worth.
Life isn’t as complicated as you make it to be. Those things that seem so big right now and bring you down so much are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Not winning nationals when you were 14 or getting a C on a geometry midterm are not make or break points of your life. They really don’t matter that much. What matters is how you treat people, how you love, your community and family, relentlessly pursuing Jesus, and relentlessly pursuing your passions and God’s will for your life. That’s it. It’s so simple. Try to not get caught up in the little things too much, Em.
Another thing – be you. Be your true, authentic, raw self all the time. God created you so specifically for so many reasons. The real you will impact this world and touch peoples’ hearts, not some front you think you need to put on. You have so much purpose for your life, but none of that can be achieved if you aren’t you. And the real you is really freaking cool. You, the intelligent, ambitious, funny, insightful, generous, ridiculous, crazy you, is loved and cherished by God and those around you. So much. Living out the beautiful person Jesus created you to be brings Him so much joy. Rejoice in that with Him!! You are a gift.
You are holding yourself back right now. Let go of all those things that don’t matter. And keep persevering until you’ve found that freedom. In times like these when the world is weighing so heavy on you, look a little harder for Him, because He is always and has always been there. Whether you see Him or not, He’s there. He’s reaching out waiting for you to run with Him because He has so much He wants to give you and show you. Gosh, Em, if you only knew the things Jesus is going to do with your life. Hold out hope.
Love,
2018 you
