Living and existing are two very different things, and I didn’t know what living truly was until I gave my life to God. This is something I didn’t realize until recently. Looking back on my past, I can see now that I was never truly living. For the longest time I would do what I needed to do just to get through the day. I wouldn’t feel anything to its fullest, I walked without a purpose, I just existed. This is why during the end of the second semester of my senior year I felt God calling me to more. He saw that I was stuck, and He saw that I wasn’t truly living my life. That I was simply existing.
Before my squad and I left for Colombia, we each received a key with a word on it to wear around our necks called Keys for the Journey. We were asked to pray about it, understand why that word was chosen for us and what God is trying to communicate to us, then give the key to someone we meet that we believe needs that word and that message.
My key had the word more engraved on it. At first, all I could think of was the pretty obvious “God sees me as more than I see myself”, which is true and it’s something I have to frequently remind myself. But I knew that wasn’t all to my key.
This month God has fiercely put on my heart that there’s so much more to life than I previously thought. That an education (don’t worry mom and dad, I still plan on going to college when I get home), a financially stable 9-to-5 job, getting married at 24, having kids at 26 then retiring at 65 isn’t all there is to life. God created fun and passion and excitement and purpose and joy so that we can all truly live. In our society, we grow up living to finish high school, then we live to go to college, then we live to get a college degree, then we live to get a good job, then we live to get married, then we live to have kids, then we live to raise those kids to repeat the cycle, and in the midst of all that, we don’t actually live our lives. We try and live a life we’re told is right and we’re told will make us happy, but does it truly fulfill us? Personally, when these were my life goals, I felt like so much was missing; I felt empty. Then, God called me to more.
Here’s a little insight on what more has been for the past 2 months:
– more is strangers that instantly become family
– more is arctic water showers at 6 am
– more is spending all day loving on kids that don’t have anyone else in their lives to show them love
– more is repelling down a 200 ft waterfall on a Sunday morning
– more is having 21 high school students accept Christ in one day
– more is dance parties with your best friends while you’re supposed to be cleaning a kitchen
– more is peeling potatoes for four hours straight
– more is knowing why you were placed on this earth
– more is living out that newfound purpose to the best of your abilities day in and day out
– more is laughing so hard you feel like you’re going to pass out
– more is making intentional relationships with all of God’s people
– more is having multiple squadmates carry you up and down 4 flights of stairs
– more is waking up at 4:30 am to blow up balloons because it’s your teammates birthday
– more is having a dance party on a school bus with the driver
– more is passion and purpose
More isn’t what I envisioned or expected, it’s so much better. I get to love on kids, spread the gospel, befriend anyone and everyone despite language and cultural barriers, go on insane adventures in beautiful foreign countries, grow in every area of my life, literally hear God speak to me, and bring Christ and His love into the lives of poorest of the poor and richest of the rich. This is living.
