I fear going back to a place where I bite my tongue when I see a friend of mine falling into the wrong crowd or making the choices that pull them away from the kingdom.
I fear going to a place where I’m scared to talk about our Savior to a stranger.
I fear going to a place where my first instinct isn’t to pray for someone when they are sick, hurting, or just in a bad mood.
I fear going to a place where I don’t feel the need to pray when I wake up, go to sleep, before a meal, and any second in between.
I fear going back into the comforts of my life back home. A life where I don’t see poverty everyday that reminds me just how amazingly blessed I am.
I fear going back home.
Fear isn’t of the Lord. I’m learning a lot about that. But when these things flood my mind it’s hard to really know deep down that fear truly isn’t of the Lord.
The bible tells us:
“Be firm and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9
It literally spells it out. Fear. Is. Not. Of. God. The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
He’s with me wherever I am. It doesn’t matter if I’m halfway around the world speaking to a group of street kids or in Warner Robins speaking to a friend from high school. He is with me. Why should I fear?
I want to be able to go home and have the hard conversations. To be able hold my friends accountable. To pray unceasingly. To talk to strangers about God. To never forget to be thankful for all I have. And I know it’s possible. I just need to have faith.
I guess I’m writing this for everyone back home to keep me accountable. I want to live my life without fear of what people think of me. I want to live a life that points toward God. No mater the amount of hard conversations, awkward moments, people thinking I’m crazy, or any of my circumstances. I just want to live for Him. Without fear.
“Then he asked them, “why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?” Mark 4:40
Lord, I have faith. I have faith in You and in all Your glory. Help me not to fear man. Help me to see You in all things and to point others toward You in my words and actions. Help me to love You more and more each and every day. Thank You for your unending love. Amen.
