A deep passion of mine is rock climbing. It gets my heart pumping and adrenaline flowing. I love it when I’m on the face of a cliff, hands begin to sweat, feet balance just right on small outcroppings. The sun cooks my back as dust floats around my face. Fingers strain to grip the rocks. Everything seems to fade away.
Every move becomes precise and controlled. If I allow my mind to think about the drop, I fail. Yes, a rope catches me but I lose precious ground already climbed. The mind and heart have to work together. A specific rhythm of breathing to slow the adrenaline and lower my heart rate as I decide the next move.
However, after years of climbing there is one thing that can make it a miserable experience. The joy and peace are sucked out with the smallest of things.
Splinters and small cuts.
If you have ever gone rock climbing you will know when you have those cuts and splinters. Your fingers break open and are filled with dirt and sweat. The feeling is similar to a paper cut mixed with rubbing alcohol. It’s so minor, such a small thing, that it’s embarrassing. So you don’t tell anyone about the cuts. The miniscule splinters. And your smile masks the pain.
Rock climbers are driven by the challenge of the next climb. So, we cake the small inconvenience with climbing chalk. And it works well. It’s after we’re done climbing for the day that we feel it.
A couple of days ago I was praying. Asking God why my heart ached so much. Why it seemed I couldn’t shake things off like normal.
I have come to the conclusion when you ask God to reveal something He will do so gladly… but be prepared to get wrecked.
He clearly pointed out where I had splinters and small cuts in my life. Areas where long ago I was hurt emotionally, spiritually, or physically. Areas where anger and lack of self-control were prevalent. In the moment, it seemed small and insignificant. However, I realized that over time I have continually caked the broken places with things I thought were good for me. Show up at the men’s breakfast at church. Have great work ethic. Earn respect with those I work with and serve. You know, just be an all-around pretty good guy.
I ignored the pain that was telling me to change, to take care of the problem. The “splinter” would surface and I just covered it over and over. Eventually it got infected. My attitude changed. It seemed like I didn’t care about a lot anymore. Apathy set in. Yes, I could clearly see where the splinters were in my life but I chose to ignore them and instead tolerate the pain. I told myself that it would just go away by itself.
God brought so much to the surface. He showed me how sometimes as we go through life we get splinters. People hurt us, a small splinter. We get stuck in apathy, a small splinter. A relationship gets ruined, a small splinter.
If we allow those splinters to fester, eventually we’ll be infected with resentment, bitterness, frustration, anger, etc…
The healing begins when we take the time to remove the splinter. Instead of filling it with more “chalk.”
A couple of days ago during debrief I had a vision that spoke volumes and helped me make sense of things.
I was standing in a room. It had no furniture. White walls all around. Then a man appeared in front of me. His complexion was pale and his demeanor was lifeless. Eyes closed mixed with an expressionless face. At first, I was confused. Trying to understand what I was seeing. Then his chest opened from the bottom of his stomach up to his neck, straight down the middle, like a pair of doors. The weird part was not that I was looking at a body with its chest wide open. What got me was that there was nothing inside of it. Completely empty. No organs, bones, blood, veins. Nada, zilch.
Then the vision went away. Of course, I was left thinking, what in the heck?
God did not wait to give me an answer.
Next, I saw a cup. Simple like a red solo cup. A person walked over and started to pour water from a pitcher. As the water filled the space, a small, steady stream came from the bottom. An unseen fissure was there. The person kept pouring water, in attempts to fill the cup, never succeeding. The cup constantly needed to be filled because it always emptied.
Then another cup appeared. Same simplicity in design. A person walked over and started filling the cup. This time, as it reached the top the water levels never went down. The water rose even more until there was an overflow.
If I’m to take a shot at what God was showing me with those two visions, He was clearly telling me how it’s easy to fill what’s empty inside of us. But unless we acknowledge the broken places and allow Him to heal us, our efforts at filling ourselves are futile. “Chalk” may fill the fissures and mask the splinters temporarily, but at the end of the day when we’re done climbing, the pain is undeniable and we’re left empty.
I was that empty person. You might be that empty person. What are you caking your splinters with? Are you willing to remove those splinters however painful the process may be? Are you willing to let God clean the broken places and heal you? It’s a lot more fun to climb when there’s no cuts or splinters.
I want to say thank you to everyone that has been supporting me through prayers and finances. To see God working in my life and others is the biggest blessing ever. If you would like to support me financially to help me reach my last goal of $3,617, you can click on the donate tab at the top of this blog.
I love you all so much,
Toodles
