As soon as we arrived here in Pahang, Malaysia, I felt right at home. It was very confusing because I expected the exact opposite. I expected to be completely disoriented. I spent the first couple of days trying to figure out why this transition from Europe to Asia was so much easier than I expected. I couldn’t figure this feeling out. I was even trying to feel things I had felt since we launched in August and couldn’t. I didn’t understand how all of a sudden I didn’t have any regard for things in my life prior to the race.
I finally realized that I have truly reached the point of abandonment. It’s month 4 and I am so thankful for this realization. The process of getting to this point was long and it did not go anything like I expected. I thought that I would recognize the transformation, especially considering that I had been trying to let go of things for 4 months, but that was not the case at all. It was the moment I quit trying. It was when I truly started walking in the promises of God and stopped thinking I had to get myself to that place. It was when I accepted the grace that is freely given to me. It was sudden and it was unnoticeable. It took walking in abandonment for a couple of days to even realize something was different.
Thinking about abandonment before I experienced it was not desirable. It’s almost like, “Why would you want to be miserable? Why would you want to leave things you love behind? I’m okay with stepping away for a season, but I’m not going to disconnect myself from anything or anyone I love and trust.” The feeling of abandonment is not even relatively close to that and I can say that it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
Abandonment comes from the unexplainable joy that is only found in Christ. It comes from the realization that He has won your heart and there is nothing more you want in this life than His love and mercy. It comes from understanding that your soul purpose on this earth is to serve His bride and glorify His name.
So abandonment sounds more like: “Who wouldn’t want to live with heart abandoned for the sake of Christ? How could you hold on to the things of this world when you consider the eternal glory that is to come? I’m overjoyed to step away from the people and things I love to follow Christ wherever he leads. Jesus, you are the one I love and trust.
Nothing compares to the love of our God. My heart has been rearranged. I don’t want to give Him anything short of everything. Even if that means leaving everything behind. The desire of my heart is to love and know my King, and reflect on the wonder of the cross.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6
Even If (All The More) by Jeremy Riddle
