birthday’s, hollidays, victory; winning in any and every way whether it be bingo, sports games, money of any sort, winning a bet, or what are the odds. We as people, are people of celebration. We celebrate everything, bachelor parties, dinner parties, birthdays; literal growth of a human being, house warming parties, pot lucks, celebratory dinners; we celebrate our mothers on May 14th, and fathers on June 18th, we celebrate the day we give our lives and love to our significant other with a fancy vacation full of ammentites and luxuries most of us don’t even have the money for. We celebrate the start of a new year, and make resolutions just to forget about them months later and sometimes all it takes is a couple days until we’re bored of the gym, we celebrate birthdays of people that are way past our times, our childrens times, and their childrens times. Christopher Columbus?? Who even is he!! But hey, we can’t help it. We love the cake, we love the gifts, the good food, and the company; especially the company. WE CELEBRATE !!!!!!!! SO WHAT???? We love the glitz and the glamour of it all, the fireworks on fourth of July, the feeling of presents on Christmas morning, the overstuffing of our bodies on Thanksgiving, the hearts and flowers and immense love on valentines day. You name it, we’ll bake a cake and throw a party.
When you think of celebration, you may think of some of your fondest memories. Some of you may think of waking up Christmas morning only to be dissapointed to find a stuffed pony under the Christmas tree rather than the real deal. That dissapointment, for sure not fun. Dissapointment in general, failure, brokeness, pain, confusion, devistation, lonliness, loss; for words, losing a job, losing your mind at the thought of another day at the job you dread…. the loss of your favorite pen. All of these things, in our minds, are NOT worth celebrating. But underneath all of those feelings and emotions we dread confronting head on; is buried beauty, beauty we refuse to see in the moment, beauty that may take a while to reveal itself, and in that pain and discomfort, that dissapointment and confusion; we gain perserverance, character, and hope; or broken down- beauty worth celebrating, storms worth celebrating.
Signing up for the next nine months I had no idea what to expect, no idea how it’d go, no understanding of where or who I’d find community in, I mean, I barely know my name as it is, nonetheless what in the heck I’m doing sitting through Hurricanes in the Dominican Republic on my 18th birthday when every other normal 18 year old celebrates with lottery tickets or the freedom that comes with buying sticks made of tar and cancer. I dont know what I’m doing, I dont know what I’m feeling, when it comes to me, myself, my feelings, and the waterfall we do our laundry in; there’s no escaping the inevitable; process of emotion. It’s easy when you’re in the comforts of your home to disregard the hard stuff with ben and jerrys and netflix or long drives and friends. But woah, when you’re left alone with your thoughts, there’s no running from them, no matter how fast or how hard you try. By being here, my mind is constantly challenged, questioned and tested. My patience, it’s tested; let me tell you people, sweeping the driveway for the billionth time with a HURRICANE ON THE WAY – believe it or not – can BE FRUSTRATING!!!! I’m in constant battle against my own thoughts, the ability to articulate words? Yeah, super hard these days. Explaining the beauty and brokeness all around me when all I have is feeling is not, easy. Especially when I dont know what the right words are, or how to give life to those words. Confrontation? I’ve never had to deal with, at home; Confrontation is a 16 wheeler on the interstate with open roads ahead and I’m utterly human, standing in the middle of the road. So I run away from it with all I’ve got. I’m uncomforrtable in some of my own thoughts, my doubt and my concern. My team; we struggle, ALREADY !!! And it’s only day 12. Life for the last few days has been Hurricane Maria. It’s been windy, and rainy, my thoughts clouded with skies of pink, orange, grey and dark purple. It’s gone from completely still to unimaginable amounts of rain falling out of the sky, but It’s also been beautiful, in ways I can’t explain. It’s been beautiful to take this literal and figurative disaster to see my squad spend half of the day making cornbread for the community and the other half walking around our community offering up smiles, cornbread and prayers to the beautiful people who potentially didnt have the shelter we did. It’s beautiful, because as devistating as Maria was, she swung open the doors of love, and the power of prayer, she may have caused destruction to the homes scattered accross the caribbean, but more than earthly destruction she paved a way for God to move into the homes of people who may have no idea who the Lord is. For my people to enter in, and meet these people exactly where they’re at to show them the Lord’s love. And because of her, I celebrate the storm.
Recently I’ve felt at loss for words, I know so little when placed next to the amount of information I still have yet to learn, but I know these three things for sure. I belong here. There is beauty in growing pains. and Celebrating the storm, is something we people need to cling to for dear life.
I belong here,
I could’nt see myself any place else
I couldn’t imagine celebrating 18 years with lottery tickets and cigarettes
I could’nt even fathom worrying about essays on the crooked ways of the world or anatomy
I physically cannot see myself anywhere else, aside from here. In obedience to where the Lord has called me during this stage of my life, and because of that; I celebrate.
Growing Pains,
two words when places on top of each other hold two completely different meanings
growth
and pain
yet when placed aside each other create something truly beautiful because in the uncomfortable recklessness of our feelings growing pains are GOOD.
and because of those, I celebrate.
I celebrate the storm because she’s vicious
she’s destructive
she’s taken homes from people she’s wrecked power lines and ripped trees from our earth
but she has not taken the power from the Lord away from this place,
if anything she’s created room for Him to use us in unimaginable ways and it’s because of her; i celebrate.
Romans 5:1-3 // Lucie and I read these words earlier today and I havent been able to rid of, all day; “… we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perserverance, character; and character, hope. And Hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit…”
I can honestly say, I could’nt have heard truer words today. I needed to be zapped with this truth – as people that strive in comfort over discomfort, It’s easier for us to throw the towel in, ditch our emotions and go for a drive with the windows down and the absence of thoughts. It’s easier for us to look at the things we see to be awful like pain and destrction and fear, and drown in the sorrow they fill our hearts with, yet I call you higher. I urge you to celebrate in the storm, to look at fear in the eyes and find something worth celebrating in it. Imagine a world where we celebrated the great things and the things that are a little harder to find good in. I bet you’d walk a little lighter a dance a little more because of all that the Lord has to offer when we make the choice to defy our innate reaction to play the victim. There’s so much more to celebrate, so I urge you; reading this. Take your storm, and celebrate the death out of it, I bet you’ll find a little more life in it.
