Things happen. Good things, bad things, all things happen. To everyone. We, as people, being so incredibly human, have feelings. We’ve all gone through the good days, the bad days, the days in which we wished we could crawl into our nice warm beds piled with blankets and pillows and fall asleep for hours, no matter the time of day. As a matter of fact, I had one of those days on January 18, 2017.
I’ve played soccer most of my life. A solid 10 years. That’s a lot of lost soccer balls, new cleats, and tons and tons of time poured into a sport I’ve become super passionate about. Just a few weeks ago Dunwoody High School held their Varsity soccer tryouts for the spring season of 2017. Being my last year high school, and despite not being on the field for a solid two years, there was no doubt in my mind that I’d play varsity soccer my last year of high school. Now, the most physical activity I’ve done in two years you ask? Hmm. Well, close your eyes a minute and picture little ol me waking up at 7:25 a.m. , the school bus (aka my ride to school) arrives at 7:28 a.m. – I quickly throw on some shoes, put my contacts in and sprint after my bus. Bag in hand, hair unbrushed, sleepy eyes, mismatched socks (although this is an everyday thing) and somehow matching shoes I finally get the bus to stop halfway down the road. This has happened to me a solid 5-6 times this year. As for physical activity, that’s all. Those 5-6 times sprinting to my bus is all I’ve got. I know what you’re thinking —- “Oh Dasia”
So I show up to soccer tryouts get number 46 onto my shirt and get out there. 3 days of tryouts go by and I’m feeling oh so sore, but decently confident. I’ve done good on 1 v 1’s and 2 v 2’s, our smaller scrimmages went by pretty well and everything seemed like it’d work out in my favor, other than the fact I could barley touch my toes because of the tremendous pain every muscle in my body had been feeling. Those 5-6 sprints to my bus had done me absolutely no good. At this point day 4 is over and day 5 of tryouts is around the corner. I wake up in the morning, barley able to put my clothes on I get to school to go through the motions anticipating the end of the day. This is my last chance to prove to the coaches I wanted to play more than anything. I get onto the field and the scrimmage begins. 25 minutes into the game every bone of mine aches, my lungs are screaming for air, my mouth as dry as the Sahara desert, and my muscles on fire. Before I knew it, tryouts were over. Done. “The list of those who made the team will be posted on the wall outside of the gym tomorrow morning, I saw some good stuff out there ladies, thanks for coming out,” and that was it. I gather my stuff and head to my car. My head falls into my hands and I just began sobbing. I’d already known the names on the list, and I knew “Dasia Olivares” was not one of them. My sister gets into the car and we head home. I wanted to nothing more than to just be home so I could crawl into my bed and cry the night away. My last day of tryouts, my last opportunity and I absolutely blew it. I gave up, my body was tired, I was tired. I get home and go to do that exactly, run upstairs, collapse in my bed and cover myself with my fluffy pillows and soft blankets. Heres where it gets wild – Not even a minute goes by and I sit straight up, dry my face, grab my eno and head to the park.
As I’m driving to the park, the song “Even When It Hurts” by Hillsong United came on. It goes a little something like this
“Take this mountain weight
Take these ocean tears
Hold me through the trial
Come like hope again
Even when the fight seems lost
I’ll praise you
Even when it hurts like hell
I’ll praise you
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I’ll sing your praise”
My tears continued to fall, harder than they did before, but not out of sadness. It was strange – you’d think, last year of high school, last year to play my favorite sport, one I’ve played my whole life- and I blew it. No shot. I had the opportunity to prove myself, but my worn out body overcame my mind, my drive. I lost incentive, I lost my fire for it, all within a span of 25 minutes. The only way I could describe the feeling I got when that song came on is how you feel when you’re so upset about something and your mom, or dad, grandma, grandpa, or best friend take you in their arms and provide a shoulder to cry on. It’s not like the sadness disappears because you’ve got someone physically holding your brokenness together, you feel thankful to have someone dear to you showing emotional and physical support, and above all LOVE. It feels almost like the sunshine on your skin on a colder day, everything’s still so there’s no wind, just sun. That’s the feeling I got. No more tears, just warmth. Like a Father embracing His child after she’d been cut from the soccer team after 5 days of tryouts.
When I finally got to the park, I set up my eno and climbed into it. The sun was setting and the clouds above were moving rapidly. The trees dancing in the light breeze and all of a sudden, peace came about my soul like a warm blanket on a cold night. My breathing evened out, my tear stained cheeks dried, and I fixed my eyes on the blue and orange marbled sky above me. I felt a sudden rush of warmth flood my body as I began looking around at the things surrounding me. I saw God in the little things. I saw Him in the bright green leaves that clung to the trees that provided them with life; like He does the same with us. I saw Him in the beautiful colors of the sky above, and felt Him in the gentle breeze of the crisp fall air. He’s all around, in a song, or a person like Ken and Janet Webb or Ansley Thompson, He makes himself present, sometimes it’s just a little more difficult to look past the distraction in our lives and focus our attention on Him. But when we do, wow. No words.
Rejection is hard. It doesn’t feel right not being good enough for a soccer team, or cheerleading squad, let alone a person. That’s right, it’s painful, and uncomfortable, and even worse when you’re trying so hard to be better for that person or that specific team. It hurts to be turned away, to feel less than, to feel out of place, trust me. I know. But – truthfully In all of this bad news, I’ve also got the best news known to man. The creator of our world and the billions upon billions of other worlds within our galaxy – loves us. Unconditionally. He has every right to reject us, to forsake us, as we’re all sinners, on different spectrums. He’s got every right to reject our dirty, beaten and battered souls. But instead, He invites us in. He takes us into His arms, despite the inevitable messes we make, over and over again, and chooses to love us anyways.
We are all responsible for making messes, literally and figuratively. The other day I spilled a brand new gallon of tomato juice all over isle five in Walmart, I’m unorganized, the opposite of punctual, I trip and fall A LOT, I drop everything, I am a mess. Seriously – find a Websters Dictionary and look up “Mess” and underneath the word – you’ll find my 9th grade yearbook photo. It’s remarkable that I’ve got a photo in the dictionary but even more remarkable that the Creator of the universe, that brought both you and I upon this earth, cares deeply enough for us – that He would send His one and only Son to die on the cross for us and our sin. He did that for our clumsy, dishonest, hypocritical, messy, and dirty selves – and guess what? Despite our clumsy, dishonest, hypocritical, messy, dirty selves He loves us – unconditionally, forever and always. Aside from this crazy, chaotic, constant battle of up’s and downs’ we face everyday, aside from this weird uncontrollable thing we call “life” – He’s a righteous, faithful, and unwavering God. Who has His hand on us even when we feel most lost, and hurt. He’s in control. Just to step back and think Oh His Love..
Chills right? Wrecks my heart and soul thinking He’s done so much for me. Down to little things like a simple water main break at school because He knew I didn’t do the homework that was due the following period or study for the quiz, that same period. And even crazier to think despite the messes I’ve made and the heartache I’ve caused, He’s the light in my darkness, and oh so consistent in this inconsistent life.
I’m a mess, we’re all a mess on different levels. We get rejected and let down. Over, and over, and over again. For our whole lives. That never goes away, it never stops – but one thing that is on-going and forever living within us – is Him, and His love for us. I’m convinced I’m too full of love (if that’s a thing) – that’s why I’m choosing to pour that love into other people for the next 9 months of my life. All in celebration of Him. To show people what true, undying love is like from the creator of not only the world, but each and everyone of us.
Thank you so so so much for reading my blog. Seriously – It means a lot to me as well as any feedback you’ve got. Good or Bad. If you’ve got questions or just want to chat feel free to email me whenever [email protected] sending hugs to all of you from Dunwoody, GA. Thank you again for taking the time to read this, I appreciate you.
