I was kind of struggling with what I should write about for this blog post. I kept praying about it and asking the Lord. I even asked a few people to pray for me because I was stressing out about it. A friend told me to just be honest and share the struggle and what the Lord has been speaking to my heart. So I’m taking my friend’s advice because she’s very wise and caring. 🙂
So, honestly, I’ve been struggling a little. I know God loves me and He is good. I know He will provide for all of my needs, including the $18,017 I have to come up with for this World Race. For my first deadline, I have to come up with $5,000 by July 21st. I have $1,632 so far. I don’t know why I’m even worrying about this or stressing out. I’m 31 years old and God has been providing for ALL of my needs, my whole life. Why am I worrying about Him providing for this especially since I believe He has called me to do this? Why am I doubting?
These are the thoughts that have been going through my mind for about 2 weeks now. And I didn’t go searching for the answers. I just kind of ignored them and decided I didn’t want to deal with them right now. One night, I had to stay at work really late because of an emergency and I found myself with nothing to do. My phone battery was dying so I wasn’t using my phone unless I needed to communicate with someone. I didn’t have a book to read. So I finally decided to ask the Lord what’s been going on and what He had to say about it. I started journaling and then waited to hear back from the Lord.
I wrote down everything I heard Him say and I want to share with you just a little bit. “Listen to my still, small voice and obey what I say. Don’t give up. Stay alert and humble. Don’t let pride have any place in you. The kingdom of heaven is for little children. Become like a child again. Trust like a child with good, rich father. A father who is always there, always loves, always patient, always kind, keeps no record of wrongs and so much more.” He also reminded me that He is for me and not against me. I’m so thankful for the Holy Spirit and that He is always available to counsel us when we need it.
Well, the story doesn’t end there. After I finished journaling, I had to do things at work and got distracted again. A few days went by and I’m doubting and worrying again. As I was driving to prayer tonight at church, I was kind of complaining about the traffic and not in a very good mood. After prayer was over, I was outside talking to a loving and caring man of God and his beautiful and kind wife. The Lord reminded me of a few things that He had told me while journaling. My friends encouraged me to just obey the Lord and trust Him with the rest. He is going to provide for me. He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion. He is going to use this journey of fundraising to draw me closer to Him and I will have testimony’s to share of His goodness and faithfulness as a result of this time. He WILL work all of this together for my GOOD. I left there so encouraged and so thankful for community!
As I was driving home, I spent the 25 minutes thanking God, crying and repenting and then worshipping Him. How could I ever doubt the God of the universe? He created everything, literally! And here I am worrying that I will be able to come up with $18,017 by the end of January.
Not anymore. 🙂
If you’re discouraged, worried or anxious, just remember who your God is!
Psalm 33 & 34
