I will waste my life on you.
I’ll be tested and tried.
No regrets inside of me.
Just to find myself at your feet.
I press on.
I’m listening to Misty Edwards on our bus ride from Bishkek to a house on the lake.
Deeper into Central Asia. At first you don’t notice a big difference from Kazakhstan to Kyrgyzstan. But then you realize there is an undercurrent of comparison, a desire to improve, but a hopelessness of being behind.
This country is truly beautiful. The mountains, the streams of running water, cascading waterfalls, frozen water falls, natural hot springs…they scream God’s creation. Silently behind the hold of Islam.
We taught English, made friends, laughed hard and played games. We talked about relationships, forgiveness, young love, unrequited love, ambition, dreams, and endless other topics with these young people. It took me back to when I was in high school and how the world was my oyster and the possibilities endless. The life and energy was refreshing and inspiring.
I also realized how important this life stage was, how I walked this path and how I stumbled. I think it is hard, as we shared our stories, the takeaway from some people was “learn from our mistakes”, which is good advice. But the greater truth is that we all make mistakes or believe some lie and it’s how we respond to it and how we can receive the Father heart of God that determines our behavior and if we change or keep going.
God has moved in my life personally this month. I started my mornings with him and seen him in nature. I’ve learned the joy of discipline, in stewarding time and physical health well, but also spiritually in allowing myself space to be with him.
One day while running, I was listening to Mike Bickle share about the 10 virgins and their lamps and their oil. Their lamps represent their circle of influence and their oil represent their intimacy with God. He shared how in the 90s, he was touring and serving but then God spoke to him about when was the last time he had cried over God’s word. And how our oil is how we know God and will our heart be tenderized?
I realize people like to hear about the tangibles, the physical things that are easy to grasp and measure. But so much of this journey had been internal and the priority is to get our heart in the right place, in the soft place, in a place that gets moved for God. And from that comes forth all action and fruit.
