The first time I sensed a direct word/image from God I was driving in my car on the way to church. If you’ve read my previous blog posts you know worship music is an integral part of my faith, it’s one of the ways I feel the most connected, and this day was no different with music playing during my drive. I remember so vividly the image God placed directly in my mind as I neared my destination, it was almost as if it flashed before me on a cinema screen, there for just a second and then gone – Jesus on the cross; naked, bleeding, two thieves on either side, His friends before Him. The Son of God who had been sent to earth to live with us, teach us, show us how to love a Father in the sky that we knew so little about.
Why this image? What do you need me to know?
It took me a while to come up with this answer. At this time my faith was new, it was exciting, it was shiny and untarnished. I was living in the new Christian bubble when new life was promised and my slate had been wiped clean. I think God wanted to gently remind me that it wasn’t at all about what I had done, it was about what He had done. Jesus had come to this world sinless, the only one of his kind. He took on past and future generations of sin by dying on a cross, so that at anytime we could be forgiven and set free! All I did was receive this – I didn’t put on a show, I didn’t win first place in a competition, I didn’t get a gold star for being the best Christian in the land; I just opened my heart and received a love eternal. Death on a cross – painful, humiliating, slow; I think I needed this reminder to remember what an incredible sacrifice took place. Not my actions, but His.
———-
Every Monday morning I drive approximately 100 miles to work for the week. This is a sacred time for me (despite the 5.30am alarm) because it is my quiet time to start the week; I usually listen to a podcast or two and explore new music, or sing to some old favourites. This time, on one of these sweet mornings, I sensed a question from God which completely blindsided me –
“If I was to return tomorrow, would you ask me to wait?”
Jeepers. It’s too early for this. I don’t know where to start.. Would I? This answer once again took a while to come up with.
I’m 25 years old, I have a job I am proud of, I have beautiful friends and family, I have someone who loves me for exactly who I am, I finally found a true relationship with God after 22 years of searching, and I have somehow been given this incredible opportunity to be a missionary around the world that I am counting down the days to – I guess things are better now than they have been for a really long time. Would I ask Jesus to wait even just a few years until I’d experienced more of the good stuff? What about my mission trip, could I still go? What about marriage and kids? Can I just have a few more years with everyone I love? I’m only getting to the good stuff now, tell me all those awful teenage years haven’t been for nothing.
I think God placed this question on me not because He wants to take any of these things from me, but because He needed me to reevaluate, He needed me to realise they are all additional bonuses. Jesus already won, He already conquered death, He already defeated the enemy, He has already given us absolutely everything we need; the rest is all extra. He does not want me to love these things any less, He just wants me to remember what comes first. I will always remember being told ‘If God is all you have, then you already have all that you need’, and this was surely a reminder of that.
Does that mean we shouldn’t care about anything else? I don’t think so. All the extras are God’s way of showing us how much He loves us, He wants us to have everything good and perfect in this life because He wants us to be so so happy. He has lavished me with the most precious gifts, but they are the cherry on top to an already perfect life in Christ, and I needed His prompting on this one. I think we probably all do. I needed the reminder like what is described in my favourite book, that God is holding me and every single one of my loved ones & things in the palm of His hand, all of us together, and we have to trust that He will hold us tight. He truly is the one permanent thing in a world that is slipping away, and so we must cling to Him more than we do to the other things in our life that we love. I am YOURS, AND thank you so much for all of my worldly blessings – I think there is room for both.
So.. Would I ask Him to wait so I could keep all these good things just a little bit longer? No, I wouldn’t, but I came to that conclusion after a little more thought than I’m proud of. The World Race is my God given dream and I can’t wait to go – but Jesus if you come to earth tomorrow, I’ll be there with arms held high and a smile on my face, ready to follow you wherever you might lead.
‘And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
Like You would again a hundred billion times
But what measure could amount to Your desire
You’re the One who never leaves the one behind’
Hillsong United – So Will I (100 Billion x)
Chloe xo
[P.S. My favourite book mentioned above is ‘She Reads Truth: Holding Tight to Permanent in a World That is Passing Away’ by Amanda Bible Williams & Rachel Myers. Read it if you haven’t, it is life changing.]
