When something is in the distant and abstract, it seems much less real. Yet when that EXACT same thing is up close and personal, it can be really scary and intense. Over the past few months I have become so aware of being able to be both so excited, and so terrified about the exact same thing. More than that, I have learnt that it’s ok to feel that way.
Leaving for a year of mission work isn’t something I had ever planned on, which I doubt is a surprise to many of you! I didn’t grow up in church, I had no personal faith until I was 22, I certainly didn’t exemplify things I now believe, and I probably still don’t as much as I would hope. Most of you who know me, know me as a non-believer and as a completely different person than I am today, and that is also something I’ve had to learn to feel ok with. Change is a process, and how people see that change in you is no different.
I know I am absolutely going to love The World Race, but I don’t know if that will be all the time, of if I am going to really struggle. I don’t know if I will be able to emotionally handle everything I do in this year of serving. I don’t know how I will cope without some of my favourite people in my life everyday. I don’t really know how I am going to make ends meet financially.
‘So Chloe, why on EARTH did you apply for an 11 month mission programme?’
For me, this is what a true God plan looks like! When you know none of the answers, yet still feel adequate enough to take the first step. When you know without God, absolutely none of it would be possible, yet with Him it may just be within my reach. I am completely expectant God will move in ways I could never dream and change my heart beyond compare. That He will take a person like me and allow me to be a part of His plan to change the world, even though He could do it completely on His own.
I have been obsessed with this song recently – and think it is perfect for this season..
“All I know is this, Your love endures through every change. And I am sure of it, your love endures, it will sustain.” – Bethel Music
Chloe
