1 Peter 5:8 “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.” Here’s the thing about lions: they kill the weak. If you’ve ever watched lions hunt, they don’t go for the animal in the middle of the pack. They pick the one that is alone and sickly. I don’t think Peter was mistaken when he labeled the devil a lion on the hunt.
As the world tried to drown me in labels, Jesus whispered truth into my ear. All of my biggest mistakes and my darkest moments are made beautiful by the Lord. All of the names and lies are covered in perfect love! This is a truth I’ve come to know and love. It gets me through rough days and provides comfort where there’s only pain. However for years I’ve kept my shame secret and my pain private. I isolated myself. There are mistakes I’ve made that I would never have dared to breathe to another human being. Burdens that I would rather carry in sorrowful silence than put on another Christian’s shoulders. After all, what kind of missionary would dare share her checkered past out loud?
Shame is where the Enemy finds his footing and I had plenty of it prior to the Race. This last month at debrief, all of the women on my squad participated in an activity called “Stand Up for Your Sister”. One fact I’ve learned over the last five months is that there truly is nothing new under the son. In this activity, each woman was handed a sheet of paper with a series of questions on it listed in different categories. Questions like “Have you ever compulsively masturbated?” and “Have you been sexually assaulted by an acquaintance?”. Next to each question was a simple Y and N. The questionnaire was completely anonymous. After filling it out you crumple it up and throw it around the room. We had a little snowball fight with our sheets full of honest answers! Each girl grabbed the balled up paper closest to her and the activity really began. A leader went down the list and read each question. If the sheet in front of you had Y circled, you stood up.
As the activity went on, I made a few observations.
Observation #1: No one is truly alone, no matter how alone your story may feel.
I narrowed down to three people that could have potentially caught my paper by process of elimination. No matter how long the activity went, I never could figure out who exactly had mine and that surprised me. I thought for sure that I was the only one with such a horrible sheet. That means that three women had sheets that looked identical and I was one of them. I was not alone.
Observation #2: 99% of people are afraid to get help.
On the question “Have you ever been afraid to seek counseling due to stigma?” almost every woman stood up for her sister. In high school I remember the gossipy conversations girls would have about the “crazy girl” that went to therapy every week. I remember being afraid to seek help for depression because of what people would think. I never saw a grief counselor because that meant admitting to being in pain. What would happen if bearing one another’s burdens in love meant removing stigma surrounding seeking professional help for mental health issues?
Observation #3: Comparison is the thief of all joy and I forgot how much it stole my joy.
Every single girl in the room stood when asked “Have you ever compared yourself to another woman?”. Every single girl stood up when asked a follow up question: “Was your self esteem lowered after comparing yourself to another woman?”. When I realized we were all standing I just wanted to scream “WHY?! You’re all wonderful!!!” It was then that I remembered I had circled Y for both questions. Someone was standing for me.
All in all, this activity revealed to me that while the Lord created us each uniquely, we all struggle with the same flesh. Don’t let shame send you to the back of the pack! Speak it out. Start up some really honest conversation and I bet you’ll find that you aren’t as alone as you think.
