In these months leading up to Gap Year 2017, there has been a lot of time to build my expectations. Lots of beautifully framed pictures on Instagram tagged #WorldRace. There are plenty of girls standing on mountaintops with their clean and flowing hair behind them, captioned with a bible verse. While I’m sure that God will provide plenty of majestic moments to enjoy the beauty of his creation on this trip, the reality is that he isn’t sending me to a 5 star resort. I won’t have a nice hot bath after a long hike, my shoes will most likely end up caked in mud a few times and my hair will probably be more dry shampoo than it is keratin. Truthfully, I have no idea what is coming. I have my theories, but not much else.
When I was little and went swimming, my dad would try to get me to jump into his arms from the edge of the pool. I would have my floaties on, and dad would stand in the middle of the “deep end”. He never ever failed to catch me, and I never went under the water since he made sure I stayed above him. Even with all of this security, it would take a lengthy argument between us to get me into the water. I would make him prove that he was able to keep me above the water, reach out and touch me from his position in the water to ensure it wasn’t too far to jump, and then I would sometimes flat out refuse to jump and slide into the shallow end instead.
Going into my teen years, this behavior manifested itself in different ways. Instead of refusing to jump into my dad’s arms, I was refusing to believe that God really knew what he was talking about. It was nearly impossible for me to trust that God meant his promises for my life. Despite God demonstrating his grace time and time again, I wasn’t satisfied. Because no matter how much God could show me, there was still that small portion that required blind faith. That little “faith the size of a mustard seed” requirement seemed overwhelming to me. Until God finally pulled the rug out from under me, I kept fighting to know every little in and out of my situation.
So now I am here. I am fundraising to go on a journey that is requiring a lot more than a mustard seed sized faith. This is the one task that I have gone into without knowing what to expect. One where I have an FAQ and former Racer’s personal blogs to read, but no way to see for myself until I am actually there. Still, God put an overwhelming desire in my heart to go on this mission trip. Despite all of the uncertainty, this burning passion to serve him in all of these areas of the world remains strong. This doesn’t mean that I am unafraid. To be completely honest, sometimes the fear of failure to raise funds or personal battles leaves me a little shaken. But for the first time in my life, the fear doesn’t cause me to back down. I’m not running for the shallow end as I’ve done my entire life.
My strength is found in resting in his Word. The same Word that reminds me:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgement.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Until next time!
-Chessie
