Without a doubt, I’m thrilled to embark on the 11-month adventure that is the World Race. The thought of interacting with all the different people and cultures, offering a helping hand to the hurting, and gaining a new perspective of the world I live in, these prospects are enough to send me into a tizzy of excitement. However, I know that’s not simply done. It demands a tremendous amount of sacrifice, dedication, and humility. I’m certain the challenges I face on this trip will break the most stubborn parts of me that are a distraction and stumbling-block to my relationship and servanthood to Christ. The discipleship aspect of the trip is a mild fear, yet an absolute craving. There are numerous areas I’m so weak, stubborn, and selfish that I need a radical experience to transform. Here are the areas the Lord is highlighting as future opportunities for intense and likely painful growth.
Living out of 65L Pack.
I wouldn’t consider myself super high maintenance, but that being said, I really enjoy my stuff. I like having a vast closet full of clothes that can be regularly alternated. I like putting on my makeup and curling my hair each day. The majority of work days I pride myself on being outfitted in a dress or skirt and feeling put together, clean, fresh, and professional. In fact, most people are taken aback when they see I’m wearing pants at work as if it’s THAT rare!! It’s become a bit of my identity. So who is Cassie without the consistent clothes, hair, and makeup? What will it be like to be limited to the items in my pack? It’s going to be an interesting journey figuring this out!
Sleep.
This girl is a bit of a grandma. Give me an early bedtime and an early morning sunrise with a cup of coffee and I’m golden. My 9:30/10pm bedtime is a staple that provides me a lot of comfort. Not only am I normally in bed early, but I easily drift off to slumberland in the comfort of a plush, comfortable bed in nearly complete darkness with the soothing white noise and cool breeze of a box fan. This heavenly environment affords me AMAZING sleep. I fall asleep easily, rarely rouse in the middle of the night, and wake-up feeling refreshed. I’m immensely grateful for this!!! I love my early mornings, but they wouldn’t be near as sweet without the refreshing sleep from my perfect sleeping environment. On the WR I’m highly doubtful I will be accommodated with such a peaceful sleeping arrangement. My inflatable sleeping pad and sleeping bag will be my largest sense of comfort. I’ll be sleeping with my team in uncontrolled light, temperature, and noise environments with a good deal of sleep happening on trains, planes, and buses. Lord, make me a resilient sleeper ASAP!
Alone time.
I constantly struggle to figure out whether I’m an extrovert or introvert. And the keys to decipher have been explained in every way you can imagine. I truly relish both my time spent with others and time alone. I would say my most recent years living in Lake of the Ozarks has pushed me to introvertism. My social circles are much smaller than they’ve ever been and the lack of novelty in this small, touristy Ozarkian town push me to spend a generous amount of time outside of work alone. I embrace the single-living solitude! This is an opportunity to listen to my audiobooks and podcasts while I cook and do laundry, take walks with a Calo golden, or just to be alone with my own thoughts and not have to interact with others. I’ve come to enjoy this almost too much and rely on the alone time to clear my head and reset from a tough day. From everything I’ve inferred from former racers, I will have little to no alone time. This simple switch will surely throw me into culture shock. Perhaps I can keep my cool spending 24/7 with others for maybe a week. Then I’m going to freak out. For me alone time is my hide out where I can compose myself, avoiding showing others my messy thoughts and feelings. What will happen when I no longer have the buffer of alone time?
Community living.
Yikes. I like to think for the most part I’m a generous, compassionate and helpful person. The beauty of this is that I bestow these attributes on MY terms and timing. So when I feel like sharing, I share. When I feel like being helpful, I’m helpful. Sometimes the Holy Spirit moves in me and I’m stirred to extend myself in these areas past what’s comfortable. Well, God is going to have to multiply this feat x1,000. My flesh is incredibly selfish. I like things MY way. Mine, mine, mine. I prefer many activities alone because I don’t have to take into consideration others’ preferences. I can leave when I want, stop when I want, take as much time as I want, and listen to whatever I want. Considering I already embrace the alone time, why’s this so bad? Yes, I realize how ridiculous this sounds. I like to rely on myself and believe I can handle and overcome just about anything on my own. I don’t like to ask for help and reveal weakness. But how am I going to handle living in a community where we share basically everything? This will be a struggle where God will stretch me to my limits. I’m not going to be able to rely on just me anymore. I’m going to have to share with and support my squad and accept their support in return.
Speaking/sharing.
In addition to my selfish solitude, I’m a chronic avoider. Oral expression has never been my strong suit. Many would guffaw and brush that statement off as a humble lie. But I’m truly not a great speaker or speech maker. My thoughts and words get jumbled and nothing comes out like I intended. Anything past a few sentences or complete thoughts and my profound ideas get warbled, misconstrued, and become a complete disappointment from what I was hoping to share. I don’t know if it’s a disconnect in my brain, low working memory or what but it’s the most frustrating issue I struggle with. It has nothing to do with a number of people I’m in front of. It could be in front of 1,000 people or just one person; ask me to tell a story and I’m going to flub and stutter, give some quick details, and quickly conclude. There will certainly be a few barriers in communicating with all that I encounter on my race. Will I let my fear hold me back from at least trying and opening my mouth?
This list is not exhaustive, but a bit of an exaggerated look at some personal weaknesses I have some concerns about dealing with on this trip. Now that they’re out there, you can ask how I’m doing in these areas and offer prayer and encouragement to them! You’ll certainly stay updated on my growth as you continue to follow my blog.
Please keep me in your prayers!
