After my mom passed away when I was 12, life went on. Not to insinuate life was easy or the loss didn’t affect me; nothing could be further from the truth. However, I learned to cope and took on a world of new responsibilities. Life’s harsh reality forced me to grow up very quickly and become independent. My father and brother were there to support me, but it just wasn’t the same for this momma’s girl. I learned to do things on my own when others weren’t there or couldn’t help. There were few things determination, time and effort could keep me from accomplishing. This has been ingrained into the fiber of my being.
Other people can be unpredictable and fail you. There’s always uncertainty, which is really scary. For things that are really important to me, it’s painstakingly difficult to rely on other people. I can’t put my finger on specific times or events people failed me, but the implicit memories are certainly there. I always believe I can do it myself. I can do it quicker. I can do it higher quality. I can do it with my style. I am not lazy. I am sufficient to do this alone. This quality can make me a crappy team player for group projects. I don’t want a part or I want to do it all so it can be done MY way.
Since I struggle trusting humans with assistance, it can be that much more difficult to trust my heavenly Father whom I can’t see. God’s had to teach me innumerable lessons to rely on Him and His faithfulness. He’s continuously pointing out my desire to do things in my own strength, run myself ragged and refuse others the blessing of lending a helping hand. At work I’m frequently hauling large boxes of copy paper, books, supplies, etc from our administrative building to our academic building. As I’m out the door arms laden with heavy boxes, I always pass a kind male colleague offering to carry them the rest of the way. Time after time I would assert that no, I’m fine I can do it myself. Whether it’s strong-willed feminism welling up or just my drive for self-sufficiency, I turn them down every time. I don’t know what I’m trying to prove, but this has become my nature!
My sneaky Saviour knows all my struggles and idiosyncrasies. In effort to fully surrender myself to Him, He divinely appoints opportunities to chip away my stubborn walls and faulty ideals. The Lord’s latest appointment for me to join the World Race requires me to raise $18,000. Did you catch that? 1 8, 0 0 0 DOLLARS! An amount this extravagant can only be God firmly pushing me outside my self-sufficient comfort zone. There’s not a chance I can do this on my own. Even though I catch myself fantasizing about extra summer jobs or overtime shifts, I recognize I’m not meant to do this alone. While I hate asking for help because it’s scary and vulnerable, I know it’s what I’m called to do. So I’m surrendering my own strength, laying down my pride and humbly requesting your help. I invite you to come alongside and partner with me for this trip!
The quickest way to reach my goal is through monthly donors. Here’s how simple it could be:
5 donors @ $100 a month
10 donors @ $50 a month
20 donors @ $25 a month
Committed support of 11 months would get me to the remaining $16,500 I need!
If you’re unable to make a monthly commitment, please consider a one time donation. Every cent adds up and is greatly appreciated.
If you’re unable give at all, please pray for me and the funding of my trip!
