Doing good is often a self defense mechanism.
Let me explain it.
What happens when someone does something that totally blesses your socks off?
What’s your first instinct?
Do you scramble to find something, anything, nice to do for them?
Is gratitude a ‘do in like as much as possible’ regifting?
What happens when someone prays for you and the prayer just rocks your emotional senses?
What’s your first thought?
Do you try to pray a one-up prayer for them?
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So, why am i writing about this?
What am i talking about?
Lately a lot of stuff has happened on my journey to become part of the World Race USA route.
People have poured into me with prayer and finances and kindnesses that frankly, most of the time i just feel…so unworthy of.
So it got me thinking, how being nice can be a self defense mechanism, and i just wanted to share my thoughts.
I am so blessed beyond what i deserve. My response is that i want to bless back. You know?
Partially because its hard to recieve without feeling guilty.
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I feel that i am mid-tumble through the “drier” lesson God has me in of gaining bold confidence of His certain calling and provision for me.
Its like i thought everything id already recieved was enough. Just being funded for the 11n11 world race was enough.
Just making friends, seeing the world, and having coffee money, it was so much more than i could have hoped for.
But i feel like God keeps saying, “nope. Theres more!”
And im like, “wait what??? Why?!”
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And even in this call to serve and encourage and love on people and the body of Christ here in the United States, well, ive been fully funded, called, invited, and its enough.
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And people ask me why im doing it, and say its too much. But for me, its not even enough for me to say “yes” – its barely scraping along.
But…i have to keep following Gods call and invitation. Because ive been hooked and He’s irrisistable…
Its not too much.
For me i feel like my “yes” is just doing the bare minimum.
And to recieve anything more than what ive already recieved – despite my need for it – is too much.
Why?
…partially because a small part of me is afraid of when and where this kind of tumble will stop. – Not His provision persay…But it looking like this! Recieving again and again so lavishly!
Im trying to hold back the waterfall so when i hit the desert i wont miss it…
– and He’s saying, “why are you trying to stop it?”
– and i dont want to answer “Because im afraid.”
– “Why?” He asks back, cause He knows what im thinking.
– and now i have to answer that…
….
….
What does obedience look like?
It is leaping, and being part of the waterfall for others.
What does reactionary response look like?
Self-righteous cistern water, available until dry.
….
Thank you everyone who’s leapt into the waterfall of Gods blessing on me the last year and a half.
