I got this invitation from God.
It was in Cambodia…which is oddly where it all went down in so many ways I didnt know what it meant. But i was watercoloring and then God told me. “Your word for this year is invited.”
So i was cool about it and painted this big word in cursive “Invited” and wrote in my journal, “My word for this year is Invited.”
I didnt know what that meant, just that i told God, “i accept!”
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At the end of Cambodia, there was this thing where several squads debriefs intersected at one place – on purpose, and Adventures had this event called “Awakening”.
This essentric guy named “Mr. Black” was the main speaker and at the end of one of his talks he did an invitation. (He said something like) “If you are ready for accepting this crazy invitation, to do and follow Jesus anywhere in your Christian walk, come on up to the front. I mean doing anything. This is not to be done lightly! Because if you tell Jesus ‘im all in’ be prepared for crazy things to go down! Thiss is an invitation for God to do anything with you! to do anything He wants with your life! And expect Him to accept.”
It wasnt an alter call, but if it was i wasnt going up to the front to be saved.
I cant remember if i was the first one on my feet moving, or if i waited to have someone else give me courage… But i remember feeling foolish as i wound my way thru plastic seats and humans to the front.
I didnt want to care if i was being stupid, because i just wanted to say “YES!” to the invitation id been given at the beginning of the month.
Nothing really extraordinary happened from that prayer, in fact, looking back, a lot of complaining, anger, dissapointment, doubts, struggling, etc. continued to plague my normal life.
Anyway, that word “invited” kept cropping up in my conversations with people and my heart has kept been quickened and encouraged with that confirmation of Gods invitation to me.
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Fast forward to now.
Last night i got weary.
Fear flooded my heart and for about an hour to two hours i let it have free reign in my whole self. Its the kind of fear that comes with anger. I wanted nothing more than death, and for about half an hour i sat, head on picnic table, weeping and whispering “please Jesus, please.”
I didnt want to hope anymore, i didnt want to trust anymore, and i sure as hell didnt want the invitation anymore. “What are you inviting me to?” it was just the worst invitation i could possibly imagine. Just get on a plane, and show up in boston for what???
Even my rousing last sermon about Joseph and God being in our story was not encouraging. I was down for the count and wanted to lose.
There was no stupid plan of God that was worth this pain and fear. I was angry. Angry at God for asking me to just wait and trust – trust for what? – and i was mad at people for looking me in the face and telling me to trust – what the hell for? – and i was mad at my prerace self – how could i have not saved more money for the race? – i hated life.
.
So here i am.
Its 630 am now.
Ive been awake and tossing for several hours as God kindly flashes these wierd and inpossible-but-so-possible-and-God-can-do-anything-possible options through my head. Things that take my breath away, things that blow my mind, things that YES! I ACCEPT! I totally totally want those things to happen!
And then this little whisper, “What if nothing happens? Will you wait just because i ask you to?” And yes. Now that He’s reminded me that He can do anything, i have to say yes. Because i want Gods stupid plan. I want it because itll be better – even if it sucks so much at first – it will later, when it matters, be so so so much better than anything i could hope for or imagine! And I WANT THAT!
I want it more than life itself. I want to dance and i want to laugh – crying so hard because God is able to do that and i want to recieve THAT BETTER thing! I want to be Mary, not Martha. I want to see Lazarous WALK out of the tomb. I want His plan. His good, fitting, and perfect plan. More, abundant, and overflowing!
So here i am.
I am writing this first. Before it happens i want to say, im in. I want it all! I am staking my claim.
I want to walk into the promise land with Joshua and Caleb. I dont care how big the giants are because my God is bigger.
And when Gods stupid plan happens, i want to rejoice. I want to make the victorious battle cry that (as i said i wanted) will take down the walls.
Now, we wait.
I wait and know He’s God.
And the “next” will be a sharing of His faithfulness and steadfast love.
Ive been invited, and ive accepted, and im going!
