So, i talk a lot about screaming.
If you’ve followed me, read my instagram posts/poems, other blogs, etc. you’ll see that i use that word a lot.
Mostly, probably, because i feel pent up with a scream that ive been screaming all my life. An internal scream, which i have been taught from a young age and had inforced over time, is not to ever be heard.
But here i am. Month 9. Guys, month nine. Freaken month nine! And as you know, (if you’ve been reading my blogs), i have no idea what i’m going to do after this, neither do i feel that i have changed much.
So, here it is.
Whatever it takes Lord, i’ve been marching around these walls, and i am ready. I want to scream. I want the walls to fall. I am tired of marching, and i am tired of waiting.
I want to scream.
And i’m asking you to make the walls fall down.
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(my thoughts are referencing a song called “Do it again” by Elevation Worship – https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOBIPb-6PTc )
Today is our 9th day in Ethiopia, the 9th day in the African continent, and my 9th day with my team…(we announced that we are team: cool wise guys that are cool…but were considering generation of wise guys that are cool [gowgtac], …and now have been considering a team name change to 7 Ronin…we’ll see). (…Ill refer to our team as 7 Ronin in this blog since its easier to type!)
Nothing besides the team, has been particularly easy -(our team is super laid back, and more like living with other adults than a “team”, like the other teams have been). Housing has been expensive, food has been expensive, and people have been super friendly but haven’t always been honest. And on top of that we’ve been somewhat physically assaulted every day we’ve been here, and then yesterday their schemes worked, and we were robbed. (…not so fun…But! I even have a cool story to share from that! – later.)
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Aside from that, i have some really cool stories to share! (Prayers being answered guys!) So, although my writing styles been lacking lately, stick with me.
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Here is a little one that might not mean anything to you, but means a LOT to me!
After we were here for a few days, our housing cost was just too much, so we had to find a new place to stay. We found another place, but when we arrived our place didnt seem to have wifi (although it was promoted as having it), so i, very disgruntled (since i needed to call a contact i’d promised to call that afternoon – but needed their number from my email) i left the housing and went to a cafe to get wifi.
Turns out i almost paid for a drink to get wifi when they didnt even have it either!
Finally i found myself inside a building and was refered to a lighting store.
I went in and found the nicest 4 people. It was a small company that did lighting for larger companies owned by a Chinese couple with two Ethiopian ladies working for them.
They were super hospitible and tried to help me get online – letting me use their wifi – and then computer…but come to find out the wifi company was down.
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85% of the time our electricity and wifi goes down here…and out of the blue it is rainy and storming when it’s not even that season.
Anyway, my annoyance brought me 4 new friends who i am very grateful to have met!
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Going into this new team and new continent i felt God tell me that He was going to move me into the season He’s been hinting at for a while. A season He’s been telling me i needed to enter. A season that is to set my lifestyle.
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God’s been telling me that He is to be my safe place.
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I know, i wrote about this before. About how this is so hard! But i havent really had to press into it until now.
I cant really define why, or how, my current team is different, but they are. And being this group of incredibly kind, easy going individuals that just do their thing has left me back where i started on the race: an individual.
I once again feel like an owner of myself. Which has cut off that group mentality, and actually quite a bit of apprehension and inability that i didnt know had latched itself onto me. In some respects i had been feeling like i was holding my breath and tiptoeing along with my prior teams.
Being with 7 Ronin, i suddenly felt unfettered. I could be myself. That has been a bit unsettling the last couple of days and made me feel somewhat insecure, but has also been one of the best feelings and caused me to think a lot.
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In the last week we have been doing research and filling our time with meetings at coffee shops, schools, and even a cardiac center!
I’ve been reading the most amazing stories from my Squad about how God’s been opening doors and making connections, and He has been doing the same for me and my team, and it is finally feeling like the race i came to come on.
—And time, is flying by—
The next few blogs i will be sharing more of the stories of people and how we met them! We already have interviews with potential partners set up for next week, and even filming for a local tv show set for the last 2 ministry days here!
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This is a really cool story from one of the treams on our Squad, showing how God’s moving while we are here:
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bjrg59flbn2/?r=wa1
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So.
What does all that, have to do with screaming and making God my safe place?
Well, i have this space to put myself into the shelter of God, to make Him my safe place. And i am in that season now.
i have made it into that land now.
And as you continue with me on what part of this journey i have left, i want to ask you to pray for me.
Pray that the walls that keep God out of specific areas of my life would fall. Pray that the walls keeping me out of Gods purposes for me would fall. Pray that the walls of pride that keep me from deep relationship with others would fall.
Pray that i would fall.
Despite how crazy, stupid, and christianese these words seem, i want:
That God would become more, and i would become less. Because when i am weak, He is strong. When i put aside myself, i will become all He made me to be.
And that’s all i want from this #11n11.
I want to walk back onto US soil being who He made me to be. Walls down. Scream out. Calm. Confident. Content.
Purpose bound.
