Battered.
Broken?
Even i when i conjure up the image i feel a tinge of remorse and pitty.
Kneeling on the ground is my enemy.
The one accusing me night and day
and his face is bashed, bruised on one side, and blood is glistening, drooling off the end of his chin, he spits out broken chunks of teeth, and for that moment, pity rises into the pit of my stomach from some God given place.
His lips are split and dripping blood,
and then his eyes rise.
They are grinning and the same evil flashes through them as before, and though the words slip out almost unintelligibly he is spitting out curses still, blood flying from his mouth
and he is grinning without remorse.
.
Sustained.
i sleep in the presence of this
night and day this flock of demons surround my bed
my head
and they chant and demean who i am and who i was made to be
some of the things they say are so true but God knows ive spoken a 1000 appologies already
and still the accusations fly like darts deep into my raw and trembling soul.
Their hooks pulling at me relentlessly,
dragging me closer and closer to despair…
And He.
He ducks in front of me and offers to take the arrows, but my shame makes me duck out of the way
.
He is singing
conjuring up beauty in my darkness
peace in my craziness…
sometimes i pause to let the words sink healing into my desperate places…
and then shame.
.
Shame makes me cover my ears and duck for cover
When actually the ducking is what again exposes me to the throng of those who rise up against me –
They taunt me,
Gods not protecting you! He doesnt care!
But he is standing right there.
Large enough and brave enough –
Already he has offered to stay before me and take every accusation and every flogging, every arrow, every blow…
.
I sleep and my heart stops…
In my unrest my tears come and i cry out –
He hears.
He is standing on a mountain in the moonlight
in the early morning
as the heat rises
he is pinned there like a bug to a trophy wall
suspended between heaven and earth
and my cry comes to him and he gives up his life –
In an instant.
Without another thought.
He gives up his life to bestow on me.
– He sustains me
and i wake.
.
I wake like the sun jumping over the horizon
glory
glory
glory
His love washes over me
annointing me with his affections once again.
.
Glory
.
He bestows happiness on me when i least deserve it.
He protects me when i least deserve it.
.
Glory: His love washing over me.
.
Arise o Lord, and break the teeth of the ten thousand who surround me as i sleep.
